Still More Dumbasses

Police officers in Madison, Wisconsin, received a call from a woman just after noon on Saturday who reported that she’d been stabbed in her home. Officers arrived to find not one, but two women had been stabbed. The women turned out to be sisters that police described as ‘uncooperative’ with stab wounds on their arms. Officers eventually established that the women had engaged in mutual combat in front of five small children. While they didn’t suffer life-threatening wounds, they were arrested.

 

The wife of a California billionaire investor was recently awarded their $20 million mansion in a divorce settlement. However, he didn’t get mad, he allegedly got even. The wife is seeking a restraining order against her ex, claiming he sprayed ‘fart’ and ‘puke’ scents around the house, left balls of human hair in the drawers and dead fish in the air vents. Ironically, the ex’s name is Bill Gross.

 

Katie Jean Williams has been fired from Pierson Community Pharmacy in Daytona Beach after just a few days on the job. Apparently the owners hadn’t yet had a chance to inform Katie of the surveillance cameras that were in operation around the pharmacy, which caught her slipping prescription pills down her shirt. After an inventory check revealed that several bottles of pills were missing, Katie was not only fired, she was arrested.

 

An unnamed 31-year-old woman was recently asked to leave a Fort Walton Beach, Florida, bar called The Block. The woman responded by striking a person multiple times. Police then responded by asking the woman to leave. This time the woman responded by kicking the officer in the crotch and biting his hand. Other officers arrived and tried to get the woman into a patrol car, but she kicked another officer in the legs and kept kicking inside the car. She managed to get out of the car and tried to run away, but was quickly caught by another cop, who she kicked in the leg as he tried to get her back in the patrol car. Finally, it was closing time for the woman as officers got her into the car and jail.

 

Cleveland.com claims the Bainbridge Township, Ohio police recently found a man running naked through a health center parking lot. The 31-year-old told cops he and his girlfriend were camping in some nearby woods when she lost her shoes while hiking. He removed his clothes before fastening them around her feet so she could walk home. The man became disoriented and got lost. Officers drove him to his girlfriend’s home. No charges were filed

 

The Daily Mirror claims a man from Scotland has created a donut and chicken nugget hybrid called the Donug. Craig Carrick tells the newspaper that the chicken nugget is shaped like a donut and has chicken on the inside and a crispy coating and other toppings on the outside. “It’s about getting Donugs sold at every sporting ground, every service station, every fish and chip shop. I want this to be the crazy new food trend. I’m giving something that’s fun, it’s easy to understand, people get it straight away. There’s nothing sweet about it. All savoury. It’s 98 percent chicken that has our unique and top-secret spice mix.”

 

The Daily Mail claims billionaire investor Bill Gross is being accused of being nasty in his divorce with his ex-wife, Sue. She got a restraining order because he allegedly wafted fart spray and puke spray throughout their $20 million Laguna Beach, California home. Sue found the cans in the garbage. Sue also says Bill placed dead fish and dirt in the home’s air vents.

The paper quotes her as saying; ”When I was finally able to obtain access to this house, I was disgusted to see that Bill had left it in a state of utter chaos and disrepair. I found empty spray bottles of “puke” smell and “fart” smell in the garbage; the houseplants smelled foul and had to be replaced. The carpets were stained, and there was water damage throughout the house. There were balls of human hair in the drawers. I even found dead fish and dirt stuffed into the air vents.