Still More Dumbasses!

Matt Thompson has built a wooden lawn chair in the shape of his home state of Michigan and now a lot of people want one just like it. However, those people aren’t necessarily fans of the state, but the fact that the chair pours wine with the pull of a lever. Unfortunately, it’s not likely that Thompson will build one of the chairs for you since woodworking is just a hobby he does in his spare time and the chair took more than 100 hours to make using about $400-500 worth of wood. (See here)


Officials at Wisconsin’s Cumberland High School freaked out on Monday morning when they arrived to find a car had crashed into the side of the school. However, it turned out that it was just a senior prank in which they used a black tarp, loose bricks and part of an old car to make it look like the vehicle crashed into the building. The first clue was the rear window of the car, which read, “Class of 2018—we’re bustin’ out!” Both the school district and local police called it one of the best senior pranks that they’ve seen. (See here)


A promposal wasn’t involved, but Allison Closs took Danny DeVito to her Carlisle High School senior prom in Pennsylvania last Friday. Actually, it was a cardboard cutout of DeVito, but still good enough to get Allison her 15 minutes. (See here)


Ohio police officer Jeff Bowling is investigating scammers claiming to be from Publisher’s Clearing House, who’ve stolen at least $1,000 from one elderly woman. Officer Bowling recently got a break in the case when he got a call on his cellphone informing him that he was the winner of $950,000 and a brand new Mercedes from Publisher’s Clearing House. Bowling kept the scammer on the line for 11 minutes, pumping him for information. When the scammer asked if he had an ID, Bowling replied that he has his police ID. The clueless scammer then asked Bowling if he was at the police office and how long before he’d be home. When Bowling responded, “I’m going to be all day here working on this case where you’re taking advantage of everybody else,” the scammer said: “OK have a great day Mr. Jeff,” before quickly hanging up.


The Sonoran Science Academy in Peoria, Illinois, is likely looking for a new faculty yearbook advisor. Parents and faculty alike were outraged when they opened their 2017-2018 yearbooks to find that one eighth-grader had been voted “Most likely to bomb the U.S.” Another girl was voted most likely to steal gang people’s food, while one student’s favorite memory was when someone got stabbed with a pencil. The academy said there was never any class vote on best and worst categories and each student was allowed to write anything they wanted to have placed next to their picture.


Police in Sydney, Australia, were called in to break up a fight at a local school. However, it wasn’t a student riot, but a brawl between several mothers that had come to pick up their children. The melee had ended by the time police arrived, and it was determined that it started when two mothers got into a fight over a parking space. In case you’re wondering, the fight occurred at the Maronite College of the Holy Family School. (See here)


The arm of the law has proven to be longer than 44-year-old Thomas Morgan. Morgan was arrested on multiple indecent exposure counts after he was seen measuring his equipment with a cardboard ruler while at a urinal inside a University of Iowa bathroom. A witness told police he felt weird and uncomfortable as Morgan made a comment regarding his size. When confronted by officers, Morgan denied being aroused, but admitted to measuring himself and that he was guilty of being “curious.” Morgan was able to cut a plea deal and must complete a sex offender treatment program.