Working in customer service has its ups and downs. Said no one ever. These jobs test the very limits of how much bullsh*t can a person take with a smile on their face, and what better way to get through it than turn to reddit and relate to the people that are tortured the same way. Laughing from their misery, retail employees are sharing the dumbest thing they’ve heard a customer say, and you couldn’t make these things up. From trying to get a better deal to asking for instructions, Bored Panda has collected the funniest things that came out from customers’ mouths. Scroll down to read them and upvote your favorites!
I work at walmart stocking shelves in the grocery department. During one busy day a woman came up to me with a crying kid, probably about 5 years old, and said (exact quote) “my kid is pissing me off, watch him for me while I go get some things.”
I told her that it wasn’t my job to watch her kid and that I had to go in back and do things and he couldn’t come with me anyway, so then she told me she was going to walk away and leave her kid there and if anything happened to him it would be my fault. So I told her if she did that I was going to take her kid to customer service and tell them he was lost and have them page her until she came back.
She started to walk away anyway so I took her kids hand and started to bring him to customer service and then all of a sudden she yelled “WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH MY SON” and I froze, but fortunately a bunch of customers had overheard the whole conversation and explained what had happened to my manager who kicked her out of the store.
“My laptop won’t turn on!”
“Did you plug it in and charge the battery?”
“NO! This is a laptop! It doesn’t need to be plugged in!”
“Ma’am, the battery still needs to be charg…”
“LISTEN! This is a laptop!”
In high school I worked at a local hardware store. We also refilled propane tanks for gas grills. After a summer or two of doing ten or more tanks a day you get good at guestimating how full a tank is just by picking it up. one particularly hot day a customer comes in and sets his tank down next to me and asks for a fill up. I pick up the tank and inform him that the tank is full and does not need a fill up. He looks pretty agitated already with this short exchange and says that he checked that it was empty and would I just fill it up. To this, I inquired how he checked. There are several ways to check, one being by the weight of the tank, another is the thermal strip on the side (which his tank did not have) the other is to pour hot water down the side and feel where it gets cold. His reply assured me that this was one blithering idiot lucky to be alive. He said he checked it by holding his cigarette lighter in front of the valve and opening it. To this I replied: ” You ought to write to your congressman and representative because they saved your life today. This tank has an OPD safety valve on it that prevents the gas from coming out without anything attached.” He walked out without another word and with a very red face.
I used to work as a photographer in a studio next to an opticians office. I once managed to have a long conversation with a older man looking for glasses, without either of us realizing he was in the wrong place.
Him: “Hi, I’m Mr McFakenamington, here for my appointment”
Me: “Huh, that’s odd… I don’t see you on our schedule. I have time for a walk-in though, just fill in this paperwork”
We have a little chat about possible clerical errors that could lead to a missing appointment as he’s filling in his paper. I chalk it up to human error and tell him we can get started in a few minutes anyway.
Him (after a brief silence): “So about how long to these appointments take?”
Me: “Well, generally it takes 1 to 2 hours for the whole process. Really depends on the person”
Him: “Wow, thats a long time…”
Me: “Well, if it’s just you it shouldn’t take so long. The long appointments tend to be families with children. The most time consuming thing is picking out the ones you like.”
Him: “And after I’ve chosen, do you make them here? When can I pick them up?”
Me: “We send out your order to our lab and it comes back here in a week or two”
Him (looking around): “Do you have frames I can look at?”
Me: “Not really. We’ve got some pre-framed products but generally customers buy their own frames from somewhere else”
Him: “That’s ridiculous! How could you not sell frames here?!”
Me: “Well… there are some in (adjacent department store) if you don’t have any around the house. Frames are really not so hard to come by. I mean, you can even get them at (nearby pharmacy)”
Him: “But you’d at least set up the frames for me, right?”
Me: “Sorry, no.. but for most frames it’s pretty straightforward. Usually it’s just a couple simple latches in the back? I can’t imagine I’d be better at it than you, or anyone else for that matter.”
Him: “I don’t even get to try anything on today? How will I know how it looks? How do you get the size right for the frames if I don’t have them?”
Me: “I’m sorry sir, I really don’t follow”
Him (practically yelling): “So you just want me to buy glasses i’ve never seen for frames I don’t have, and I have to frame them myself?!!!”
At this point it dawns on me. I explain that I’m a photographer, point to the photos hanging up around the studio. I tell him that optical is next door. He looks sheepish, and I walk out with him to make sure he gets to the right place.
This entire conversation occurred while I was under a sign that said “Portrait Studio”, in a room filled with photos of families. I guess the poor guy really needed those glasses.
The ice dispenser broke at the fast food joint I used to work at. As a temporary fix while we waited for the repair guy to come take a look at it, we set out a giant serving bowl full of ice with tongs, so people could still ice their drinks. About 10 minutes after putting out the ice bowl, a customer comes up to me to complain that the machine isn’t dispensing ice.
I tell him, “We know. A repair guy was called, but he’s not here yet. In the meantime, there’s a bowl next to the soda fountain, so you can still get ice.”
The guy immediately gets an attitude about it. “How do I know that ice hasn’t been sitting out there all day?”
I stare at him for a good few seconds before saying, “Because it’s still solid.”
“If left out at room temperature ‘old ice’ would just be water.”
“I want to speak with your manager.
I worked as a lifeguard at a public pool last summer.
We had a strict ‘No water-wings” policy. Those little f**kers are death traps. So this woman is putting water wings on her kid next to the pool, and I politely inform her that we do not allow water wings, and have life vests available for free literally 5 feet from where she’s standing. She becomes so infuriated that I would “dare to dictate how she treats her child” and tons of other shit. So I call my supervisor over, and as he arrives and is speaking to her, the kid jumps in the pool.
Water wings slip up his arms, and he’s suspended underwater. Jump in and pull him out. Woman is furious that I would “have the nerve to touch her child. How dare I?!”
I used to work in a call centre. When a customer called to place an order from the catalog we would have to offer them cross sells that appeared on our screen. Say for example someone ordered a stapler, we would offer them staples to go with it.
This took place back when computer inkjet printers were fairly new. They didn’t have wireless network capabilities nor did they have SD card readers built in. It was also before tablets came out.
A woman called to place an order and the conversation went like this
Her: Hi. I’d like to order item #XXXXXXXX
Me: ok. That would be an HP printer (offering cross sell) would you also like to add the printer cable as it’s not included.
Her: Why would I need a cable?
Me: to connect to your computer
Her: oh honey, I don’t have a computer I just want to print some stuff
Me: umm. You need a computer in order to print stuff
Her: no. My son knows a lot about computers and you are wrong.
After spending 5 minutes explaining how she can’t print without a computer she continued to place the order and the call ended. I wrote careful notes in the log and explained it all. I wrote down the order number as I knew she’d call back to return it.
Sure enough about 3 weeks later I checked and she had called to return it. In the notes the person who handled the return said that the person she ordered it from said nothing about needing a computer to work the printer. I didn’t get in trouble cause my notes had been in the system saving my ass.
Customer: Can I get a Big Mac, a poutine, and a large coffee double double.
Me: Alright, so I will make that a meal for you so it’s cheaper.
Customer: I don’t want a meal. I want a BIG MAC, A POUTINE, AND A LARGE DOUBLE DOUBLE. THAT’S IT. NO MEAL.
Me: Ma’am.. those three items together are a meal. I can charge you separately for more money if you want but a meal is cheaper.
Customer: huffs I said no meal. Let me pay. proceeds to pay $3-$4 extra just because she doesn’t want a meal
I don’t understand customers sometimes.
When I used to waitress I once had a customer complain I put too much ice in her glass of water because it would water down the flavor…I didn’t even know how to respond to that.
“Your total comes to $32.23”
“I only have $20.”
“Can I still have it?”