Extra Dumbasses!

Liberty Township, Indiana’s 34-year-old Holly Sansone brought new meaning to the term ‘hot pursuit’ last Wednesday night. When approached by police, who suspected her of shoplifting from a nearby Kohl’s store, Holly shrugged with both hands in the air and said, “I’ve gotta go.” And go she did. Holly led police on a chase reaching speeds of 100 miles per hour as panties and bras flew out of her car. Holly nearly struck several other vehicles before the chase came to a spike strip, tire-shredding end. Holly was arrested on numerous charges as police recovered four bras, 14 pairs of panties, two candles and some air freshener refills valued at $445.


An unnamed 17-year-old Layton, Utah girl and a 16-year-old friend decided to try the “Bird Box” Challenge. If you’re not in the loop about the ‘Bird Box Challenge,’ that’s where people blindfold themselves and see if they can do everyday tasks. If you’re not in the loop about the word ‘try,’ that’s where you attempt something without necessarily being successful. In this case, the girl attempted to drive on Layton Parkway near Interstate 15. However, sometime after pulling a beanie over her eyes she skidded into the eastbound lanes, hit another car, a light pole and a wall. No one was injured in the crash, but the girl could face reckless driving charges.


An unnamed woman has been banned from Walmart in Wichita Falls, Texas. If for future reference you’d like to know how one can earn a ban from Walmart, in this woman’s case she rode around their parking lot in one of their electric carts for several hours Friday morning while drinking wine from a Pringles can. Despite the apparent drunk driving, the woman avoided arrest.


An unnamed 23-year-old man was stopped on the M62 in Cheshire, England early Friday morning after he was clocked going 123 mph. However, the man had a good excuse as he told the officer that he was in a hurry because he wanted to get a kebab from Manchester. However, the man apparently felt it wasn’t quite as urgent to get car insurance or a driver’s license as he had neither and was cited.


An unnamed man in the Netherlands discovered an unexploded World War Two device while gardening at his home on Wednesday. When the device started whistling, the man covered it with his body, apparently trying to limit damage from an explosion. Nearby residents were evacuated and the device proved to be harmless. However, the man was treated for symptoms of hypothermia and authorities later warned the public, “It is strictly ill-advised to lie down on a bomb.”


Berwick, Pennsylvania’s 47-year-old Jana Moschgat was recently arrested on DUI charges. Police say Moschgat’s blood-alcohol level at the time of her arrest was nearly twice the legal limit. Moschgat may want to look for a new lawyer because the best her attorney could come up with to prevent her case from going to trial was to point out that she was chewing on her coat at the time of the arrest and the chemicals in the material may have thrown off the results. The judge ruled there was enough evidence to send the case to trial.


When Malik Mollett used Uber in Pittsburgh last month he left his bag behind in the car. Malik was eager to get the bag back since it contained two pounds of high-quality marijuana. Malik contacted Uber via email and arrangements were made to reunite him with his bag. Unfortunately, by this time the Uber driver had found the bag and discovered its contents. A meeting was arranged, but it wasn’t the Uber driver that met with Malik to return his weed, but an undercover cop. Police say Malik indicated the bag was his and he was promptly arrested.


Portsmouth, New Hampshire police have arrested David Rodriguez Luna on two felony charges after he allegedly stole FedEx packages from a neighbor in his apartment complex. Luna should’ve known such activity was illegal and that the apartment complex lobby he allegedly stole the packages from had surveillance video, especially since he’s a former cop.