Extra Dumbasses

Oklahoma’s Cannon Harrison struck up a conversation with a woman he matched with on the Bumble dating app. Bumble proved to be fitting for the woman as she bragged to Harrison about poaching a deer. Unfortunately for her, Harrison turned out to be an Oklahoma game warden. Harrison was able to use the woman’s first name and her photo to find her on social media. Game wardens visited her home the next day and she and her hunting partner pleaded guilty and were fined $2,400.

 

Porter, Indiana police received a report of a rollover crash on Friday night and found a car in the woods. Nearby, they found 22-year-old Kyler Payne lying on the ground, bleeding from his head and face. Police say Kyler was coherent and speaking, which was his second big mistake. Had Kyler not been able to speak, he wouldn’t have told police that he tried running away from the crash, but couldn’t because he was too drunk after having 14 drinks that day. Police confirmed the story when Kyler registered a blood-alcohol content of .197 percent and arrested him for his first big mistake, which was drunk driving.

 

When an unnamed woman approached a JetBlue gate at the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International airport to board her flight on Sunday, the staff stopped her after determining she was too drunk to fly. The woman then became a viral video star by climbing onto the counter and calling a male JetBlue employee a ‘rapist’ and said she was homeless and had a gun on her. The woman did get to go on a non-stop trip, albeit to jail. (See here)

 

Authorities in Pennsylvania have announced they’ve arrested a man wanted for attempted 1st degree murder in a road-rage style shooting. Authorities also announced that the man’s name is Anthony “Doo-Doo Butt” Ward, although they didn’t announce how he acquired that handle.

 

Florida substitute teacher Heather Carpenter was displeased with how Phillippi Shores Elementary School Principal Allison Foster was handling a professional issue. Foster was also likely displeased with how Heather handled the issue as she allegedly went to a park where Allison was planning a party for her daughter and smeared human poop on tables and grills. Heather was also likely displeased with how the Sarasota County Sheriff’s Office handled the issue as they charged her with damaging property and criminal mischief.

 

An unnamed Chinese man saw a clip of a haircut he liked on the internet and paused the video to show it to a barber so that he could give him that precise ‘do. The barber did as instructed, even shaving the triangular play button from the video into the sides of the guy’s head. (See here)

 

An 18-wheeler crashed on Alabama 35 on Sunday, spilling boxes of chicken tenders on the road. The Cherokee County Emergency Management Agency apparently had the three-second rule in mind as they felt it necessary to post a notice on its Facebook page asking people to quit picking up the chicken, noting that it wasn’t safe to eat after hours on the ground. Police also asked motorists to quit stopping to pick up the food, saying the situation was creating a traffic hazard.

 

An unnamed man in Sri Lanka spotted an elephant grazing in a field and thought it would be fun to approach it, get its attention and then attempt to hypnotize it by staring into its eyes. Apparently, the elephant didn’t consider this to be fun and responded by charging at the man and trampling him to death, all while being filmed for the world to see. (See here)

 

The mother of 20-year-old London student Yahya Egeh gave him $25 so he could go out and celebrate his birthday. At the suggestion of a friend, they agreed to meet at The Savoy. Unfortunately, $25 doesn’t go far at The Savoy and after ordering his dinner while waiting for Tallulah, Yahya found he’d gone slightly over budget. Thanks in large part to ordering a $2,200 bottle of 2004 Chateau Mouton Rothschild, Yahya was presented with a bill for $2,730. Yahya panicked and attempted to do a dine and dash, but was caught by security on his way out.

 

An unnamed 20-year-old Toronto man drove into a Porsche dealership on Monday, but not to buy a car. Police say the man had purposely driven his car through a window of the dealership and arrived to find him vandalizing cars inside. The man reportedly told officers he did all this because he was having a bad day following a breakup with his girlfriend. The man’s day likely got worse as he was arrested on various charges.