Extra Dumbasses

Police in St. George, Utah have arrested an unnamed man after finding his fingerprints at the scene of the crime and a number of the stolen items in his possession. Police also said the man’s shoe tread matched marks left in the burglarized home’s yard and on the garage door, which was kicked in. Our friend is going to need a talented defense attorney as he told police he didn’t commit the crime because he was high on methamphetamine that day and doesn’t normally burglarize or steal while on meth.

 

An unnamed Charlotte, North Carolina man tried to kidnap a woman by forcing her into his car. Fortunately, the woman was able to break free and ran into a nearby building where she pleaded for help. It was about then that the attempted kidnapper barged in and began aggressively pushing and swinging. What the man didn’t know is that the building he entered was a karate studio. Instructor Randall Ephraim asked the man to leave, but he stated he wasn’t going anywhere. Ephraim begged to differ and says the kidnapper was dealt with accordingly. The suspect also tried to assault police officers before he was arrested and taken to the hospital with injuries.

 

You may have heard about the ‘No Lackin’ gun challenge that’s going around the Internet. The challenge involves one person pulling a loaded gun on the other who, in turn, pulls his own loaded gun. The challenge is of course filmed and then shared online, although participants aren’t supposed to fire on one another. It was that last part that Houston’s 18-year-old Mohamad Alajil was apparently unclear on. While he and best friend, 19-year-old Christian Estes-Johnson, were doing the challenge last month, Mohamad pulled his trigger, shooting Christian in the head, resulting in manslaughter charges.

 

Police in Golden Meadow, Louisiana recently arrested Justin Savoie after they found him with a concealed handgun, marijuana, and a pipe. The officers also spotted a homemade “zip gun” on the floorboard of Savoie’s truck, along with several additional firearms and homemade suppressors. But, wait, there’s more. After taking Savoie to the Lafourche Parish Jail for a strip search, they discovered another small gun. However, that wasn’t necessarily a comment on Savoie’s anatomy, but a small gun concealed in his buttocks. Savoie is now facing several weapons and drug charges.

 

The regrettable tattoo club has a new member and perhaps even its new president. On January 2nd, Houston’s Jose L. Torres voluntarily had a message tattooed on his torso in an attempt to patch things up with his wife. In a message tattooed from nipple to nipple and down to his navel, it reads: ‘I, Jose L. Torres am getting a tattoo voluntarily on January 2, 2019 so that I can earn my wife’s trust back for the pain and suffering I have cause in our marriage.’ The tattoo continues to say that he is a ‘liar,’ ‘cheater,’ ‘manipulator,’ ‘deciever,’ ‘whore/prostitute lover,’ and ‘dishonest and disrespectul.’ To make matters worse, Jose apparently didn’t choose a tattoo artist that uses spell check as there were several now-permanent typos. (See here)

 

Manila’s Shine Tamayo and Jhon Chen recently got married. As they were planning their wedding, they paid $2,800 to caterer Krissa Cananea to provide food for guests at the reception. When the food failed to arrive, the couple was forced to go to a restaurant across the street and buy trays of noodles, rice and other items for their reception. However, it got worse from there. When they cut into their two-tier wedding cake, they discovered that the bottom half was polystyrene covered in icing. The couple called police and they arrested Krissa who, unwisely, had showed up at the reception. (See here)

 

Palm Beach County, Florida’s 28-year-old Deana Seltzer has been charged with domestic battery, battery on a person 65 years of age or older and aggravated battery with a deadly weapon after she attacked her own mother. Deana’s mom told police that her enraged daughter punched her chest and arms and then attacked her dad when he tried to break up the fight, resulting in scratches to his face and upper body. Mom says Deana then ran around the home and flipped over a large glass table, recliners and other pieces of furniture, before ripping a 12-inch decorative knife off a wall and running toward her father while screaming, “I’m going to [expletive] kill you,” If you’re wondering why Deana was so upset with her parents, it was because her mom declined to take her to Outback Steakhouse.

 

Pasco County, Florida’s Robert Houston has brought new meaning to the term ‘pizza delivery.’ Unfortunately, police arrested Houston for domestic battery after he allegedly attacked his father by shoving pizza in his face. Houston then went outside and surrendered to police, telling them he knew he was going to jail. Dad said Houston became upset when he told his son that he had helped deliver him at birth.

 

If you’re interested in pursuing a career in law enforcement, the Faulkner County, Arkansas, sheriff’s department has an opening. The position became available over the weekend when Deputy Keenan Wallace was fired. Wallace answered a call on Friday afternoon about an aggressive dog and handled the situation by shooting it in the face. The dog in question was a 9-pound Chihuahua. The incident was captured on a now-viral video and has somewhat of a happy ending as Reese’s the Chihuahua survived. (See here-language)

 

If you’re interested in pursuing a career in the fast food industry, there’s an opening at a Taco Bell in Kettering, Ohio. The opening became available when an unnamed employee not only refused to serve Brandon Burch, but had the police called on him. Brandon is deaf and because of this he usually drives straight to the payment window to show his order on his phone. However, this worker said it was against company policy, but found out otherwise when Brandon’s mom posted the now-viral video of the encounter that his girlfriend had filmed. In addition to firing the worker, Taco Bell said its remaining employees will be retrained. (See here)

 

When British businessman Richard Mason divorced his wife in 2006, he agreed to pay her a $6 million lump sum, plus alimony. The good news for Mason is that he got some of his money back as a court has ordered his ex to return around $350,000 to him. The bad news for Mason is that the order was given after he was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis and doctors informed him that he’d been infertile since birth and the three sons his wife had could not have been his. Mason sued his ex for paternity fraud, but as a result two of the adult boys have ended contact with him

 

An unnamed 40-year-old man was rushed to the Francisco Moscoso Puello Hospital in Santo Domingo for an emergency operation. The operation was necessitated after a sex session with his wife in which she shoved a can of Glade air fresher up his, well, can. The can of air freshener, which likely no longer smelled fresh, was removed during what was described as a grueling two-hour operation. The man’s wife later claimed that her husband requested the fresh-scented insertion.