Extra Dumbasses!

Like many American families on Thanksgiving, an argument broke out amongst Cary, North Carolina’s Valencia family. However, when the argument between Esteban Marley Valencia and his brother escalated into a physical confrontation, their father, Jorge Luis Valencia-Lamadrid, got his gun and shot his attacking son in the hand and leg. The son was taken to a hospital for treatment, while dad was arrested on charges of aggravated assault. If you were wondering what the boys were arguing about, it was about NFL players kneeling during the national anthem.


Cork, Ireland’s Kathleen McDonagh got the munchies while shopping inside a Tesco grocery store and helped herself to a can of Pringles. It seems that Kathleen had been previously barred from the store and when an employee noticed Kathleen popping the can open as she waited in line to pay, he demanded she leave. However, when Kathleen insisted on staying and paying for her crisps, she was instead arrested. Kathleen has since pleaded guilty to causing criminal damage to the Pringles and was sentenced to two months in jail despite being five months pregnant.


After causing a disturbance at a BBQ restaurant in St. Augustine, Florida on Tuesday, our argumentative friend drove away, only to be pursued by a police officer, who attempted to pull him over. After first speeding away at 57 mph in a 30 mph zone, the man finally pulled over. The officer immediately noticed the man smelled of alcohol and found he had a glass marijuana pipe in his truck. After failing field sobriety tests, police arrested the appropriately named Jason Beers.


Fort McMurray, Alberta, Canada’s Donny Justin Lloyd proudly bragged to his neighbor about his hunting exploits. Those exploits included hunting white tailed deer and keeping the antlers without benefit of a hunting license. Not that Donny would’ve applied for one anyway, but he’s now prohibited from hunting or holding a hunting license in Canada for a one-year period and has been fined $6,450 after his neighbor turned out to be an enforcement officer with Alberta Fish and Wildlife.


A Lewiston, Idaho man called police to report a naked body on the ground last Sunday. When police arrived they discovered the lifeless body was actually a life-like sex doll. Lewiston Police Sergeant Craig Roberts clarified that the doll is made of silicone and will be destroyed if it goes unclaimed.


Travis Howard rear ended a vehicle stopped at a light near Cape Coral, Florida on Saturday evening. Howard told Lee County deputies he couldn’t remember how the crash happened and when asked to produce his driver’s license he handed officers a hotel card. Howard refused to take a breathalyzer test before failing several field sobriety tests and was arrested on DUI charges. Apparently, Howard also forgot he’d been arrested as he asked the officer driving the patrol car, “Uber, when we get to my room, can I go to bed?”


Andrew Keeton recently enjoyed several beers and a shot at Conchy Joe’s Seafood in Jensen Beach, Florida. Apparently, the restaurant doesn’t have a ‘no shirt, no shoes, no service’ policy as Keeton enjoyed his beverages while shirtless. The beverages were especially enjoyable for Keeton as he left without paying. When the bartender chased after him and demanded he settle up, Keeton yelled, “Be glad I don’t kill people anymore!” as he walked away. Police soon found the shirtless Keeton hollering in the middle of a nearby street, where he was arrested on charges including, yes, disorderly intoxication.


Oddity Central claims the Indonesia police recently arrested a 21 year-old man for impersonating a police officer. Ari Pratama had a custom police uniform made before telling women he had a doctorate in police forensics. He fooled 10 women before one of them became suspicious and went to the real police. Cops arrested Ari and say he often rented expensive sports cars to impress the duped women. He asked some of them for money


WSVN claims a Hollywood, Florida teen recently got trapped in a bank vault. The teen and his friend were walking around a vacant office building when they entered a closed Bank of America branch. The teen entered the vault before its door closed and locked behind him. His friend called 911. A Bank of America employee from a nearby location gave firefighters the combination to the vault. The teen was freed without incident


USA Today claims Ireland’s Ballybrack FC soccer team recently faked the death of a team member to avoid a game. The game was postponed after the team claimed player Fernando LaFuente died in a tragic car accident. Ballybrack FC later apologized and admitted that LaFuente’s daytime employer transferred him to a new location. LaFuente says; “I was aware there was going to be some story on me, but I thought it was going to be me breaking a leg or something like that. I was playing some video games [when my colleagues] started sending me all these news articles and mass media. And that’s how I found out I was dead.”