Extra Dumbasses!

Australian director Neil Johnson kept all of his cash in a fireproof safe in his home because he didn’t trust banks. Unfortunately, Johnson’s home burned to the ground in Southern California’s Woolsey Fire and the safe turned out not to be fireproof. Johnson says he now only has $20 and the clothes he’s wearing and started a GoFundMe page with hopes of raising $100,000 but he’s only raised about $2,000 so far.

 

The Daventry, England fire department was called to a home after its fire alarm sounded. When firefighters arrived there were no flames, so they cleaned out a smoke detector, but heard the noise again. Firefighters then discovered the alarm was actually one of the resident’s pet parrots impersonating the alarm.

 

Back in 2009, Montreal’s Bela Kosoian received two tickets and was arrested at the Montmorency metro station. Feeling she was unfairly cited, Kosoian took her case to court. Three years later, Kosoian was acquitted and she then sued officials for $45,000. That case is now going to Canada’s Supreme Court. In case you’re wondering, the reason Kosoian was cited and arrested at the station was because she didn’t hold the rubber hand rails while riding on the escalator.

 

An unnamed 44-year-old Arlington Heights, Illinois man lost control of his car while doing 104 mph last Sunday and crashed into a building. Police say the man will be given miscellaneous traffic citations and be charged with reckless driving and, yes, driving under the influence of drugs. On the upside for police, they didn’t have to go very far to arrest our friend as the building he crashed into was the new police station.

 

Deschutes County, Oregon inmates Christopher G. Turre and Shawn D. McCallister were on a work crew when they decided to get drunk on alcohol from hand sanitizer and then steal the sheriff’s office ATV to go joyriding. Unfortunately, the hand sanitizer didn’t help the inmates make a clean getaway. When the inmates were seen speeding and riding in circles on the ATV with the word “Sheriff” written on it, someone called 911 and the pair were arrested.

 

Last Thursday, a Pakistan International Airlines flight to Gilgit was delayed for technical issues, and then canceled due to bad weather. While some passengers shouted and pushed airport personnel over the cancelation, one man was a little more upset. The man has been immortalized in a Facebook video as he set his own luggage on fire at the airport in protest. (See here)

 

Byron Ragland is a U.S. Air Force veteran who now works as a court-appointed special advocate and a visitation supervisor. Ragland was recently overseeing a meeting with a mother who’d lost custody of her 12-year-old son, who wanted to stop for ice cream. The three went to Menchie’s in Kirkland, Washington, although Ragland just sat by while the two enjoyed their ice cream. They were there about a half hour when store owner, Ramon Cruz, who wasn’t there, called 911 on behalf of two store employees who said they were “scared” of Ragland. Yes, Ragland is black and he later said he was told the manager had been watching him and wanted him to move along.

 

China celebrated Singles’ Day on November 11th. The day was created by China’s version of Amazon as an answer to Valentine’s Day for those without a significant other and as an excuse to shop for yourself online. It’s turned into China’s biggest online shopping day of the year, although at least one man is having buyer’s remorse. The unnamed man said he was drunk while shopping online and thought he’d only bought two sets of clothes. However, after sobering up, our friend found out he’d also purchased a live pig, a peacock and a giant salamander and his story has gone viral on Chinese social media.

 

As a science teacher at Pennsylvania’s New Cumberland Middle School, Lisa Marszalek found a way to supplement her meager income. Unfortunately, authorities say Lisa’s side hustle involved selling cocaine, methamphetamine, and prescription pills. After making several undercover buys, detectives arrested Lisa just hours before she was to chaperone a student field trip. Following her arrest, the school district immediately placed Lisa on paid administrative leave.

 

A chickenpox outbreak at North Carolina’s private Asheville Waldorf School now ranks as North Carolina’s largest. As of Friday, 36 students had contracted chickenpox. If only there was some way to prevent this sort of thing. Actually, there is a way as a vaccine for the chickenpox virus became available more than 20 years ago. However, Asheville Waldorf School has one of the highest vaccination religious exemption rates in the state and at least 36 moms and dads have apparently opted to take the exemption. School officials apparently aren’t itching to answer questions as they have yet to respond to media inquiries.

 

An unnamed man was arrested after he was caught having sex with a prostitute in his car in Washington, D.C. The man was quite easy for investigators to spot as his car was a marked Prince George’s County, Maryland, patrol vehicle. It was noted the officer was off-duty at the time and he continues to be off duty as he was suspended while the investigation continues.

 

When the 13-year-old daughter of Dade City, Florida’s Rosalie Contreras misbehaved, she decided to punish her. However, both women ended up being punished. Rosalie punished her teenage daughter by taking her to a remote location where she made her take off her clothes and ordered her to walk back home. When another car drove by, Rosalie allegedly ordered her daughter back in the car, hit her face, punched her back and grabbed her breasts, pinching and twisting them. Police were eventually alerted and Rosalie told investigators she punished her daughter in such a manner because someone wouldn’t let her spank the girl. Rosalie’s punishment was being arrested on charges of child abuse.