Extra Dumbasses!

An unnamed Ponte Vedra, Florida man recently met a woman on Tinder and managed to convince her to come to his home. However, Lexus Joshlin Tripplett brought Michael Eric Wheeler with her. Despite Tinder dude being tied up with bed sheets and gagged, there was nothing kinky about the date. It seems our friend was shoved under his bed while the pair stole items from his home and forced him to give up his bank account details. By the time the man freed himself, Lexus and Michael were already using his bank accounts. However, Lexus and Michael were soon on the other end of restraints as police located the pair and slapped the handcuffs on them and took them to jail.

 

Utah’s 55-year-old Gary Giles must be batty. Gary’s wife, Juanita Giles, says that they would encourage bats to land on their hands to lick their fingers and even walk around in their beds. While she says the bats never bit them, little did the couple know that rabies can also be contracted through saliva of an infected animal. Gary has become the first person to die of rabies in the state of Utah since 1944 and now Juanita and other family members are getting vaccinated out of caution.

 

While marijuana is now legal in Canada, that wasn’t the case back on January 27th. That was the evening Toronto police officer Vittorio Dominelli took part in a raid on a pot shop. Among the items seized was a marijuana-laced chocolate bar, which Dominelli and Constable Jamie Young later ate. About two hours later, Dominelli made a call for assistance, using the 10-33 police code, normally reserved to indicate an officer is in serious trouble. It was soon discovered why the officers were in distress and Dominelli has pleaded guilty to attempting to obstruct justice and resigned from the force, with the judge in the case calling him a “complete idiot.”

 

Melbourne, Florida police Detective Jonathan Hawk has submitted his resignation. Hawk’s resignation follows a raid on a house suspected of being involved in drug trafficking. A SWAT team member later said that thankfully, the innocent woman who had her home unfairly searched was not “handled and thrown on the ground and cuffed and — and a lot of things that could have happened.” However, the actual drug dealers, who were living in a house across the street, saw what was going on and used the diversion to load things into a van and make their getaway.

 

Derrick Gilbert went to Florida’s St. Pete-Clearwater International Airport with his 18-year-old son Tai on Friday night to catch an Allegiant Air flight to North Carolina. However, when Gilbert boarded the flight, he appeared to be too drunk to find his seat. When the plane’s crew asked Gilbert to leave the flight he initially refused, but eventually left the plane after allegedly pushing a flight attendant and his own son, who was trying to get him to leave. Deputies arrived to find Gilbert yelling profanities and refusing to leave the ramp from the plane to the terminal. When authorities told Gilbert that if he didn’t leave the airport, he’d be arrested, he responded by saying that he couldn’t be arrested because he was a Sarasota police officer. Gilbert was wrong about that as he was indeed arrested for battery, domestic battery and trespassing.

 

Male family members of India’s 95-year-old Budh Ram shaved their heads as part of a traditional pre-funeral ritual. This came after Ram was pronounced dead a week ago Saturday and he was given last rites. However, the men shaved their heads for nothing as Ram woke up during his funeral and said he’d been feeling chest pains and had decided to take a nap.

 

We often here about people calling 9-1-1 for non-emergencies, such as needing a ride to the store. However, South Dakota’s Rapid City Police Department are actually encouraging people to call 9-1-1. That’s because the department says at least one person a day reports a crime through Facebook Messenger instead of calling 9-1-1.

 

When Denton, Texas police were called about a burglary Friday morning, officers arrived to find a “man-sized hole” in the back of the Sara’s Secret adult store. However, police say that when the burglar tried and failed to force open the safe, he instead settled for taking several adult toys before fleeing.

 

Zimbabwe’s Mugove Kurima is facing about the only lawsuit a man might not mind being the defendant in. Mugove is being sued by ex-girlfriend Silindile Mangena, who claims his abnormally long penis stretched her vagina. Silindile told the court that her vagina was ‘tight’ before she met her ex, but that he stretched her so much that no man can fill the gap he left behind. Silindile is demanding that Mugove pay the $10,000 she needs for reconstructive surgery.

 

The Belleville News-Democrat claims a man in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles mask recently robbed a Walgreens pharmacy drive-thru in Shiloh, Illinois. The turtle drove up and passed a note to a clerk demanding prescription medications. The suspect identified himself as T. Grizzly. He drove off in a gold Kia. Police are looking for Grizzly and others, who may have been involved in the robbery

 

The Springfield News-Leader claims the Springfield, Missouri police recently arrested Joe Binford for commanding animals at the Dickerson Park Zoo to eat a zookeeper. The 37 year-old was flailing his arms and talking to himself when a zookeeper confronted him. Joe told some cheetahs to eat the zookeeper. They ignored him before zoo officials called the police. Cops tazed Joe after he attempted to grab one of their guns. He was charged with assault and trespassing

 

Brobible claims fans of the Dutch soccer team, the Rijnsburgse Boys, recently hired an exotic dancer to distract an opponent. Striptease Foxy ran onto the field with no clothes on. She danced for several minutes in front of the opposing team before being taken off. The Rijnsburgse Boys lost 6-2. Striptease Foxy tells The Sun; “You want it to be a warm day if you run onto a football pitch. I needed a hot drink afterwards. After my streak I went on to my next job. I normally do strip shows, but this was a welcome change. I could certainly do it again.”

 

The Daily Mail claims a 45 year-old man from Thailand was recently going to the bathroom at work when a 10-foot python slithered out of the toilet and bit his groin. The man struggled to yank the serpent off of himself. He finally broke free and called for help before coworkers and First Responders removed the snake. The man was taken to the hospital where he received 15 stitches.