Dumbasses for Wednesday, January 30th

Shirell Powell hurried to St. Barnabas Hospital in the Bronx last July after being told her brother, Frederick Williams, had suffered severe brain damage from a drug overdose and was dying. Shirell arrived to see the 40-year-old on life support with tubes obscuring his face. Some two weeks later, when it became clear to doctors that Frederick wasn’t going to recover, Shirell gave the hospital permission to take him off life support. Imagine everyone’s red faces when it was later discovered that the man on life support was Freddy Clarence Williams, and not Shirell’s brother. It seems that Shirell’s brother was actually in jail and she’s now suing the hospital over the emotional distress she suffered after finding out she allowed a stranger to die.


A South African couple recently had their wedding day, although it didn’t end with them being pronounced husband and wife. As the guests were seated and the ceremony was about to begin, a second woman in a wedding dress arrived. The woman was the groom’s mistress and video shows that she appears to be trying to tell the bride what a jerk she’s about to marry. A bridesmaid unsuccessfully attempted to separate the mistress from the groom, whose wedding night apparently didn’t go as planned. (See clip here)


Illinois State Police took to Facebook on Monday to announce that they’d ticketed a driver who was doing 115 miles per hour in a 35 zone. While that’s stupid in itself, it became Facebook post-worthy when they noted the unnamed motorist was doing this with snow and slush on the road. They also announced that the woman behind the wheel was arrested and jailed. (See here)


Michael Amerson was I-hopped to jail after stopping into a Jonesboro, Arkansas pancake house. Deputy Dustin Norwood was working security when he noticed Amerson standing near the register, yelling at a table of women across the restaurant. When Norwood told Amerson to either “quiet down or leave,” he walked away, threw his hands in the air and said, “I got bond money in my pocket.” Once seated at a table, Amerson let out a loud expletive and Norwood called for backup to give Amerson a ride to jail. Police say Norwood’s behavior was explained by the strong odor of intoxicants coming from his person, as well as him having bloodshot, watery eyes.


Kernersville, North Carolina’s Stefan Ryan Shuford has brought new meaning to the term ‘brown-nosing.’ Shuford was arrested last Friday at a shopping center after being accused of attacking multiple women by thrusting his face into their buttocks. According to the police report, Shuford approached three separate women, grabbed them from behind and forced his face into their rears and, in two of the cases, allegedly licked them without warning. Shuford’s lawyer blamed it on his client’s bipolar disorder and schizophrenia.


After dating for a year, Japan’s Yuta Shinohara was heartbroken after the death of his girlfriend, Lisa. After her death, Yuta says he ate Lisa in reverence, so now she lives in his heart and continues living as part of his body. However, it’s not quite as weird as it sounds. It turns out that Yuta is a nature lover and Lisa was a cockroach. Yuta admits that he had sexual dreams of Lisa, but says that they never consummated their relationship.


Officers from the Chenoa, Illinois Police Department underwent their annual Taser training last night. Unfortunately, they didn’t have anyone to train on. With that, the department issued a press release seeking unpaid volunteers to be Tasered. No word on the response, but if anyone came forward I’d be shocked.