Dumbasses for Wednesday, February 13th

One unnamed Seattle woman has found out that you should never bring a car to a snowball fight. With Seattle receiving record snowfall, good-natured snowball fights have ensued. However, the woman in question wasn’t so good-natured about it when one snowball hit her SUV as she was driving by. A video shows the woman turning around and accelerating toward a group of people, who managed to get out of her way. The woman then stopped her SUV and jumped out, only to be hit by another snowball. The woman then attacked the man who threw the snowball before a group of people pulled her away. Police soon arrived and a sobriety test showed the woman was high on marijuana and she now faces DUI and reckless driving charges.


Apparently there’s no end date as to when your parents will stop embarrassing you in front of your classmates. Police at Maryland’s Towson University are seeking a woman that has been wandering the campus and showing a cellphone photo of her son to students, asking if they wanted to go out with him. Police say they’ve received complaints about the woman and while she’s not being charged with a crime, they would like to ask her to find an alternate method of hooking her son up.


Merritt Island, Florida’s Matthew Anzaldi was pulled over for speeding on Monday after he was seen driving recklessly at 80 mph and passing cars on the shoulder of U.S. 1. When asked why he was driving in such a manner, Matthew told the deputy he was “thirsty” and wanted a “Pepsi.” Amazingly, the deputy noted that Matthew showed no signs of being impaired, although he also showed no signs of telling the truth and was arrested.


When Nottingham, England police attempted to arrest a man at a bar for fighting, Craig Lanes decided to intervene. After police informed Craig he was free to leave, he instead took an aggressive stance with his fists clenched and informed an officer that he would head butt him and drop him where he stood. As you might guess, Craig was the one that was dropped and, after threatening to bite off one of their noses, he was arrested. A court fined Craig around $200, which they informed him would be deducted from his government benefits.


Port Richey, Florida’s Peter Elacqua got into an argument with his girlfriend last Friday. Unfortunately, the argument escalated until Peter allegedly shoved his girlfriend into a chair and threw his burrito at her. A deputy arrived to find the woman with burrito ingredients on her face, neck, and left chest and shoulder area. Peter made a run, not necessarily for the border, but was caught earlier this week and rolled into jail.


Britain’s Jeff Hayward spent 18 months trying to convince the government that he was unable to work and therefore qualified to collect disability. The good news for Jeff is that he finally won his case. The bad news for Jeff is that he died of a heart attack two weeks before he was due to go to a disability benefit appeal tribunal. Jeff’s family saw the case through and will collect the benefits he was entitled to.


An unidentified British man recently called the Thames Valley Police emergency number in Buckinghamshire to report a crime. The man was later referred to as ‘The Village Idiot’ as the crime he reported involved people trying to steal his weed from him. Officers responded to the scene, but by then our friend had apparently thought things through and had left the area.