Dumbasses for Tuesday, June 25th

Madison Rogers was recently a finalist in the Miss Hooters Tennessee pageant. Not only did she lose the pageant, Madison also lost her boyfriend. However, just hours after he ended their two-year relationship, Madison went to her ex’s house, kicked in the door and began assaulting him. The man was able to fight off Madison and call 9-1-1. While waiting for police to arrive, Madison yelled at her ex if he ‘liked the upstairs.’ The answer was likely ‘no’ as the ex then went upstairs and found his bedroom, bathroom and closet in shambles. Somehow, after dating for two years, Madison was unaware of her ex’s home security system, which caught her redecorating on video. Madison ran away before officers arrived, but was eventually arrested on charges of aggravated burglary and vandalism.


Florida deputies say Robert Foley was driving towards a large ditch in Lehigh Acres last Wednesday. Police reports say that based on the physical evidence it was apparent Foley’s Nissan Versa was traveling at such a great speed that it jumped the ditch in a ‘Dukes of Hazzard-like’ manner. However, unlike Bo and Luke, Foley then crashed into a parked truck and fled on foot. Deputies later found Foley and say he appeared to be in pain and solved many unanswered questions as he smelled of alcohol.


Two masked men approached the bartender at Steiny’s in Winona, Minnesota last week. One of the men had his hand hidden inside a paper bag, which he raised toward the bartender. It was then that one of the men dropped a pull tab box, prompting patrons to believe the masked men were unarmed. The belief proved to be accurate as during the ensuing scuffle the bag went sailing out of the would-be robber’s grasp, showing the weapon to be a fragment from an air freshener. The robbers fled the bar empty-handed, but the bartender and the patrons identified them as Jaquann “Bay Bay” Hughes and Antonio “Little Tony” Shorter. Not only had they been at the bar until about 15 minutes before the robbery, DNA and fingerprints confirmed their identities and arrest warrants have been issued.


Springwater, New York’s Stanley Payne, Jr. crashed his demolition derby car into another vehicle last week. Unfortunately, Payne wasn’t competing in a demolition derby at the time. Police say Payne became irate because the vehicle was parked partially on his lawn and took matters into his own hands. Police also took matters into their own hands and Payne has been charged with criminal mischief.