Dumbasses for Tuesday, August 13th

Culver City, California’s Portia Woffard heard strange noises coming from the house across the street on Saturday morning. Upon closer inspection she heard a voice saying, ‘Hi can you bring me water?’ When she asked where the voice was coming from, a man said ‘in the chimney.’ Portia got the man water and started recording the incident on her cellphone as he told her that he was in the chimney because somebody laced his drugs and people were trying to kill him. Firefighters hoisted the man out of the chimney and police hoisted him into jail.


It apparently needs to be reiterated to criminal types to obey all traffic laws while involved in illegal activity. Donald Reid Jr. necessitated the reminder after he was pulled over for a routine traffic stop by sheriff’s deputies in DeSoto County, Florida on Saturday. Reid won’t be driving for awhile as deputies found an M67 grenade inside his car. It was one of several items in the cache of weapons that were found and Reid was charged with multiple counts of possession of firearms and ammunition by a convicted felon. (See sheriff’s post here)


A fugitive in Oldenburg, Germany was arrested on Monday following a sting operation. When police attempted to arrest the 32-year-old man on an outstanding warrant, he jumped from a balcony. Unfortunately, he landed on a wasps’ nest. The man was attacked by the angry bees, prompting him to run into the street where officers tried to apprehend him. Unfortunately, the cops were also attacked by the wasps and the suspect managed to break free. However, with wasps in hot pursuit, the suspect jumped into an inflatable pool and was arrested.


Brianna Ramsey and Bradley Bellmore were arrested after they were found taking a nap on Sunday morning in Monroe, Louisiana. While police there aren’t necessarily cracking down on the drowsy, the couple attracted attention because they were sleeping in their parked car with an infant. Police say all three were covered in sweat and deputies saw a small plastic bag of what containing drugs, along with a set of digital scales and a glass pipe with meth residue. Brianna and Bradley were taken to jail, despite denying the items were theirs.


While you may have had some embarrassing incidents in the bathroom, you’d have to go a long way to top one unnamed 35-year-old woman who shared her confession on Reddit. At a party with friends, drinks were served and they eventually talked about sex. When one woman shared about seeking pleasure from a shower massage, a light bulb went off over the woman’s head. When they got home, hubby went to bed and our lady friend decided to take a shower. Unfortunately for the woman, the little trick worked so well, that one of her legs gave way and sent her crashing through the shower door and onto on the toilet. Her husband rushed in to find her planking naked on the toilet and crying from the pain and laughing from the embarrassment. They went to the ER to get her stitched up and she told the doctor that she slipped while cleaning the shower, because most people clean their shower at 1 a.m.


An unidentified 25-year-old man celebrated his release from prison in Germany on Friday by picking up several bottles of champagne. Unfortunately, the man’s celebration may be delayed for a few years since he left the store without paying for the bubbly. Police arrested the man with the champagne in his possession and since he had a knife in his pocket he could face armed robbery charges.


A Houston woman was flying first class on a United Airlines flight earlier this year when she noticed a blinking blue light hanging inside the lavatory. The woman grabbed the light and gave it to the flight crew and it turned out to be a recording device. The device contained footage that included a man installing it in the plane. While the man’s face wasn’t seen, his distinctive jewelry and clothing identified him as Choon Ping Lee, who works for Halliburton. The company turned over travel records confirming Lee was on that flight and aboard another when a similar incident was reported. Lee was arrested Thursday and faces a misdemeanor charge of video voyeurism.


An unnamed Seattle man brought new meaning to the term carpooling yesterday. The man was parked in a handicap space outside an LA Fitness when he hit the gas pedal instead of the emergency brake. The man’s car crashed through a wall and into the club’s swimming pool, where it sank to the bottom. Luckily, none of the people using the pool were hurt and they were able to rescue the driver.