Dumbasses for Thursday, February 7th

Rochelle Lehr was pulled over by police while driving a rented SUV with Florida license plates along the Indiana Toll Road. When the officer began questioning Rochelle as to whether she was hauling anything illegal, she shook her head and said ‘no’ as the cop rattled off a list of items. However, when the officer asked about illegal drugs, Rochelle froze for a moment before saying ‘no.’ A drug-sniffing dog caught Rochelle lying and when police found four shrink-wrapped packages in the trunk, Rochelle yelled: “What is that? Heroin?” Rochelle guessed correctly and she and her passenger were arrested.


McCloud, California’s Dylan Thomas Baldini caught a train early Monday morning. However, it wasn’t a commuter train, but a moving train, and he didn’t leap into an open boxcar, but the train’s backup engine. Fearing for their safety, the train’s crew didn’t approach Baldini as he haphazardly handled the controls, blowing the horn more and attempting to put the train into emergency stop mode. Police soon caught up with the train and arrested Baldini on charges of trespassing, interfering with the safe operation of the train and, yes, public intoxication.


Three Oklahoma City teenagers called Uber to take them to Midfirst Bank on Tuesday afternoon. The kids then called Uber again for another ride. In between those calls, the kids attempted an armed robbery of the bank. While the kids did get a ride, it wasn’t in an Uber, but a police car after their robbery attempt was foiled. Uber driver Brandon Case was to have picked up the kids at the bank and after witnessing their arrest said, “If you’re going to do something like that, have your own car.”


Police in England were called to the scene of an accident on Tuesday evening. Officers arrived to find a vehicle upside-down in a ditch and they arrested the unnamed 49-year-old driver on DUI charges. The driver was arrested despite his claims that he’d crashed while swerving to avoid an octopus in the road.


Callaway, Florida’s William Keifer Bradley Egan got into an argument with his family on Saturday and decided to take a walk to calm down. No word on how calm Egan was as he walked around his neighborhood while wearing a bullet proof vest and randomly firing a Beretta 9mm handgun. Neighbors not so calmly called police and responding deputies were greeted with several shots aimed over their patrol cars. As you might guess, Egan was soon calming down in jail.


Custodian Francisco Jaius Lopez-Martinez decided to get his jollies by installing a hidden camera in a girls’ bathroom at Englewood, New Jersey’s Dwight Morrow High School. Francisco wasn’t so jolly when, unbeknownst to him, a female co-worker found the camera and took it to police. Not only did the woman see herself on the video, she saw Francisco installing the camera. After eluding officers for several hours inside the school, Francisco was captured and taken to a hospital for a psychological evaluation and then to jail.


Ohio child sex case fugitive Clarence Sheese was captured in Florida on Monday. The Clay County Sheriff’s Office issued a statement saying, “Clarence Sheese, your decision to flee here was a bad one.” They also released a photo of Sheese as he was being arrested while wearing a T-shirt that read: “Father of the Year.” (See here)