Dumbasses for Monday, March 4th

 

The Wisconsin State Patrol was directing traffic when Green Bay’s Douglas Kluth parked his car and approached a trooper. No word on what Kluth wanted to chat about, but DUI became the topic when the trooper saw an open beer in his car. Kluth was charged with operating while intoxicated, 10th or more offense, and faces up to 15 years in prison.

 

Rhode Island police say Christopher Paolissi was “zig-zagging” his pickup truck when he struck 41 vehicles in Providence on Tuesday afternoon. Paolissi is facing multiple charges, including reckless driving, failure to stop after an accident and, yes, DUI.

 

Lawrence, Kansas police were called to the scene of a road rage confrontation on Wednesday night between two people they identified as Chad and Karen. Police arrived to find their cars had been facing each other for 20 minutes, with Karen wanting to exit a parking lot and Chad trying to enter. Each refused to back up, with Chad saying he had nowhere to go and could stay there all night. Karen also refused to back up, saying her mini-van was too large and she’d crash. Eventually, a sergeant arrived to try and resolve matters, to no avail. Since it was private property, police had no authority to enforce a resolution and they left the scene with Chad and Karen still refusing to budge.

 

In August 2017, Potomac, Maryland’s 30-year-old Holly Albert asked her mother to drive her to an afternoon yoga class for meditative purposes. Apparently, Holly really could’ve used some meditation because when her mother refused her request, Holly threw a telephone at her mom, striking her in the head. Police arrived to find mom wearing a blood-soaked shirt and her hair matted down with blood. Holly was gone by that time and police finally got around to arresting her last month. Despite being the victim of the alleged assault, Holly’s mom sent a letter of support to the court on behalf of her unemployed daughter, who now faces up to 10 years in prison.

 

Iowa’s Todd Mullis has been accused of fatally stabbing his wife, Amy, with a corn rake after discovering she’d had a couple of affairs. After Todd discovered her first affair, Amy began telling people that if something happened to her, Todd would be responsible and also left notes warning that he might kill her. Todd told investigators that Amy had fallen on the rake, but in addition to her notes, police found searches on his computer including, “organs in the body,” “killing unfaithful women” and “what happened to cheating spouses in historic Aztec tribes” and placed him under arrest.

 

Former Indian Head Park, Illinois police sergeant Raymond Leuser pleaded guilty to reckless discharge of a firearm last week after he shot his son four times in the stomach, shoulders and thigh. Leuser was sentenced to two years’ probation and if you’re wondering why he’d shoot his own son, it was because he drank his vodka and refilled the bottle with water.

 

New York police found Robert Brandel with his hands and feet bound with duct tape in his truck near Buffalo on Wednesday. Brandel told officers he’d been abducted by armed men two days earlier, but police became suspicious when they noticed how calm Brandel seemed to be and that he was clean-shaven. As Brandel’s ingenious plot began to unravel, police now say he staged his own kidnapping to avoid paying out lost Super Bowl bets. In addition to the prospect of paying those bets, Brandel also now faces charges of fraud and filing a false police report.

 

New York’s Daniel Omolukun is accused of committing a home invasion robbery in which an Upper West Side family was tied up. While Omolukun refused to come out of his jail cell for his arraignment Thursday, he did admit that he went to the home to collect on a debt, but denied tying the family up, saying he instead makes his money by panhandling and prostitution.

 

Alabama police received a call from a woman who said she was worried that her son, Roger Dale Johnson, was both on drugs and storing propane in a shed. An officer went to the home and a small explosion occurred when he and mom entered the booby-trapped shed. Apparently, it was supposed to be a large blast, but the gas wasn’t turned on. No one was hurt and the only booby that’s trapped is Johnson, who was arrested on charges of attempted assault and possession of a destructive device.

 

Indiana police came in contact with an unnamed 46-year-old man in the emergency room of Marion General Hospital on Thursday morning. The man was in the hospital due to a shooting as was the suspected shooter. Actually, they were the same person as the man told officers he was walking when the 9mm handgun on his waist began to slip. The man said he reached down to adjust the gun, accidentally causing it to discharge with the bullet striking him in the genitals. Adding insult to injury, the man doesn’t have an Indiana handgun license and now faces possible charges.

 

Texas grandmother Judith Streng was in Iceland with her son when they spotted some people taking photos on the iceberg throne at Diamond Beach. Judith thought it looked like fun and since other tourists had just been climbing on it, she thought it would be safe. Unfortunately, Judith thought wrong. When she got on the throne, it started to totter and a wave came in, sweeping Judith and the throne out to sea. Luckily, Judith was soon rescued by a boater, but her adventure went viral and she achieved her 15 minutes. (See report here)

 

An unnamed 26-year-old woman went on Reddit’s Relationship Advice forum and said she was watching gay porn while her husband slept. However, that wasn’t the big share. The woman said she clicked on a random video and discovered her hubby starring in one such video. The woman knew it was her husband because his face was fully visible and he has several unique tattoos. Not only that, she said she knew the video was made after they were married because he was wearing his ring in the clip. Describing herself as both “furious and disgusted,” the woman said she confronted her husband, who told her he has a meth problem and that it ‘turns him gay’. Unsurprisingly, other users supported her decision to leave him.

 

A Clearlake, California woman has been sentenced to two years in prison after pleading guilty to involuntary manslaughter. It seems that last year the woman smuggled meth to inmate Adrian Sepulveda, who died from an overdose of the drug shortly after her visit. In case you’re wondering the name of the woman that smuggled the meth to Sepulveda, it’s Johna Martinez-Meth.

 

Honolulu’s Jacob Maldonado was recently called for jury duty. In a desperate bid to get out of serving, Jacob started shouting in the courtroom, “He is guilty, he is guilty!” The good news for Jacob is that his ploy worked and he got out of jury duty. The bad news for Jacob is that he was arrested for contempt of court and spent the night in jail.