Dumbasses for Monday, March 18th

Elvis may not be leaving the jail anytime soon. A man has been charged with threatening Fayaz Ayub with a knife at a laundromat in Blackpool, England in January. While he’s pleaded not guilty to the charge, he did admit to punching Ayub. The defendant’s name is Elvis Aaron Presley.


New Haven, Connecticut’s Corinne Terrone became a viral video star over the weekend…and also became unemployed. That’s because a video posted to Facebook showed Corinne going on a racist rant and dropping the n-word three times and spitting at two people of color in a grocery store. When the video went viral, Corinne resigned from her job with Hamden Public Schools. (See here)


An unnamed 30-year-old Heideberg, Germany man was riding aboard a high-speed train from Frankfurt to Paris on Sunday when he allegedly grabbed a fire extinguisher and smashed his way into the driver’s cab. Apparently unclear on the concept of high-speed rail, the man, described as drunk, demanded that the driver slow down because the train was going much too fast and he had to save the passengers.


Britain’s Jordanne McLaughlin ordered a $130 fake floral bouquet for her wedding in January of last year, but later demanded a refund when the flowers failed to show for her big day. The company said they had a postal receipt saying the flowers were delivered, but after several months of back-and-forth, they sent her a refund. However, it was soon Jordanne’s turn to send a refund to the flower company. It seems they checked out Jordanne’s Facebook page, which had photos from her wedding and showed her holding the flowers she said she never received. Jordanne returned the money after being told the incident would be reported to the police.


Beaverton, Oregon police were called to the Grocery Outlet on Saturday evening on a report of a man acting suspiciously. It would turn out that the unnamed man’s behavior would become even more suspicious before the night was over. By the time officers arrived at the store, the man was gone, but they soon caught up with him after he crashed his car nearby. Police say the man then got out of his vehicle and jumped onto the hood of another car, where he began to strip off his clothes before he was taken to a local hospital for evaluation.


Kerri Jo Hickman was caught brandishing a gun outside of Oklahoma’s North Fork Correctional Unit. The gun in question was one of those T-shirt launchers often used at sporting events, which Kerri allegedly used to fire a canister containing drugs, paraphernalia, cellphones, ear buds, phone chargers, and tobacco over the wall to waiting prisoners. Authorities say Kerri was arrested after they found the T-shirt gun in her vehicle.


Ashland, Alabama’s Catherine Patterson was recently ordered to stay off social media. However, that order didn’t come from her parents, but from police. It seems that the 48-year-old Patterson had been charged with harassment and with violation of a protection order over her Facebook bullying of nearly two dozen people, including some former family members. Patterson now faces 23 counts of aggravated stalking.


Another MAGA person has been arrested after allegedly committing a burglary in Canonsburg, Pennsylvania. The man allegedly broke into a funeral home and stole 10 bottles of liquor and an American flag casket blanket. The man might’ve gotten away with it had his next break in attempt not been at the home of a police officer. The man’s name is David Wayne Maga.


Lady Lake, Florida’s Alexandrea Runyon hit a fire hydrant just after 2 a.m. Friday, causing it to start spewing water onto the road. This eventually created a hole about 20 feet wide and 8 feet deep, which Alexandrea’s car wound up at the bottom of. If you’re wondering how Alexandrea managed to get into such an accident, she was arrested on DUI charges.


Cape Coral, Florida’s Tristan Perry was arrested in the middle of his nap early Thursday morning. Perry likely would’ve avoided incarceration had he not taken his nap behind the wheel of his car while in a Wendy’s drive-thru. Perry likely explained his sleepiness when he was seen reaching back into the car to grab a beer can and slip it into his pocket while being questioned. The questioning didn’t go well for Perry as he was charged with DUI, possession of alcohol by person under 21, driving with a suspended driver’s license, and failing to register his car.


Walterboro, South Carolina police are asking people to be cautious after reports of odd behavior by a man inside the city’s Walmart. And what constitutes odd behavior at a Walterboro, South Carolina Walmart? Police say the man in his mid-60s approached women and asked them to stand on his stomach, even offering to pay several women to do so.