Dumbasses for Monday, July 22nd

How hot was it over the weekend? Police in Braintree, Massachusetts posted a message on Facebook asking people to “hold off” on criminal activities until the weather cools off. The department wrote, “It is straight up hot as soccer balls out there. Conducting criminal activity, in this extreme heat is next level henchmen status, and also very dangerous.” The post continued, “Stay home, blast the AC, binge Stranger Things season 3, play with the face app, practice karate in your basement. We will all meet again on Monday when it’s cooler.” They added, “Please no spoiler alerts. We’re just finishing season 2.” No word on if the post had any effect on the crime rate. (See post here)


Whitney Jefferies was in Judge Michael Garrett’s Clayton County, Georgia courtroom last Monday when she started getting agitated over waiting for her case to come up. Whitney later went on social media and posted a video of herself holding a firecracker inside the courtroom and threatening to blow the place up. No word on what case Whitney was waiting on, but she’ll be back in court on felony charges of making terroristic threats and possession of a destructive device after the judge saw her post and she was arrested.

Last Tuesday, Jonathon Spence allegedly attempted to kidnap a child from a Riverside, Florida bus stop. Luckily, that attempt failed, but the undaunted Spence returned to the same bus stop minutes later and attempted another kidnapping. However, this time witnesses were able to flag down police and the next abduction attempt was successful as officers nabbed Spence.


Florida’s 22-year-old De’Erica Cooks was arrested last week on charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill. Police say Cooks grabbed a steak knife and tried to attack another woman saying, “I’m going to cut you.” Luckily, another person was able to intervene and if you’re wondering why she was so upset, it was because the intended victim denied Cook’s request for a slice of pizza.


Last Friday’s robbery of the Tourneau jewelry store in Manhattan didn’t go according to plan. Several men burst into the store with guns drawn and used hammers to break a display case. An armed security guard pulled his gun and approached the suspects, and one was taken into custody inside the store. The other two fled, although one of the burglars circled back and walked directly in front of a TV camera crew working on another news story, giving police a clear shot of the suspect.


Daniel Murphy and his wife didn’t exactly get the warmest of welcomes after recently moving to Baltimore. The Murphys were approached by four men on Friday evening and informed that it was a robbery. The robbers fled with a wallet, a purse, some cash and multiple cell phones. The name may not sound familiar to many in Baltimore, but it may soon as Murphy is one of the city’s newest deputy police commissioners.


Pensacola, Florida’s Trenton James Rich was detained by a sheriff’s deputy earlier this month after he was allegedly seen having sex with himself in the parking lot of a local Walmart. As the officer attempted to arrest Rich, he exposed himself to the cop and requested that he perform a certain sex act on him. Rich also resisted arrest, but as he was being subdued, he grabbed the deputy’s buttocks and said, “Let me just feel it.” Rich also got to feel handcuffs being slapped on his wrists as he was arrested on numerous charges.