Dumbasses for Monday, January 28th

Duluth, Georgia’s Akhria Cooper was arrested last week after she was pulled over for a traffic stop and the police officer discovered that the vehicle she was driving was stolen. Authorities called boyfriend Derrick Taylor-Canty to inform him that Akhria had been arrested and he drove to the jail to bail her out. At last report, both Akhria and Derrick were in jail after officers discovered he’d driven to jail in another stolen car. Upon further investigation it was discovered that the couple had four stolen vehicles in their possession and that they’d altered the VINs, which led to additional charges.


Kansas City’s Brian Riley heard the squealing tires of a vehicle stuck in the snow last Wednesday night. The squealing went on for nearly 15 minutes, but Riley didn’t think much of it until his dogs started barking. Riley then checked one of his home security cameras to find that a U.S. Postal Service delivery truck that had been trying to climb an icy hill and apparently blew a tire and exploded into a ball of flames as it rolled backwards down the street. The truck came to a stop on a neighbor’s front yard and, amazingly, no one was hurt.

Dover, Delaware’s Lewis Foreman and Tyra Mifflin were arrested last Thursday after police found 8.75 pounds of marijuana in sealed bags, digital scales, packaging materials, and $4,432 in suspected drug money at their home. Keyarra Johnson was also arrested when she showed up at the home while officers were still at the scene. The arrests might not have happened had Foreman not been seen at a local Target store pleasuring himself in a dressing room with the door open. Police gave chase and Foreman led officers to his home where the marijuana operation was discovered.


Nathan Harrison went to Utah’s Brighton Ski Resort on January 19th for a day on the slopes. Unfortunately for Harrison, a lot of other people had the same idea and he arrived to find the staff turning cars around from the full parking lot. However, since he had a season pass, Harrison felt he should be allowed to park and began continuously honking his horn. When police officer Mark Curley informed Harrison he would have to turn around like everyone else, he began screaming at the cop before driving forward until a parking attendant slapped the hood of his car. That led to a knockdown, drag-out fight between Harrison and Officer Curley that didn’t end until police backups arrived. Instead of a day on the slopes, Harrison spent several


A Hermes delivery driver in Germany recently attempted to deliver a parcel to a customer. Unfortunately, the customer lived on the second floor of a building and a neighbor filmed the delivery as the driver climbed on his car and attempted to throw the package up onto the balcony. The video shows the courier making three attempts to get the package over the ledge as the person filming can be heard saying, ‘he won’t make it.’ Hermes says their people are investigating what they called the driver’s ‘clearly unacceptable behavior.’ (See here)


Former police officer Harry Miller recently received a call from a Humberside, England constable regarding his involvement in a hate crime, questioning him for over a half hour regarding the incident. The incident regarded Miller’s liking a Twitter post of a limerick that appeared to mock the transgender community. After telling the constable he didn’t write the limerick, the officer replied, “Ah. But you liked it and promoted it. It’s not a crime, but it will be recorded as a hate incident.” The incident sparked Miller’s Twitter supporters to write a string of limericks such as: “If you want to fill your arrest sheet, and no go out on the beat, make limericks a crime, spending your time, collaring folk for a tweet.”


Marie Kondo may have cost one Georgia family a lot of money. Perhaps inspired by Kondo’s minimalist tips, Conyers, Georgia’s Lindsay Preiss did some tidying up around the house and donated some unneeded items to Goodwill. One of those items was a souvenir mug with a Mickey Mouse sticker on it that her adult son had since childhood. Unfortunately her son still wanted the mug, not only for sentimental value, but because he stashed some money in it. Lindsay’s son had just sold his car for $6,500 and since the banks were closed, he stashed the cash inside the mug. The store has since sold the mug and Lindsay hopes it was purchased by an honest person who’ll return it.


An unnamed Florida man was magnet fishing on Saturday in Ocklawaha. For those not in the know, magnet fishing is where one goes trolling for potentially valuable metal objects instead of fish. Among the metal items this man caught was a hand grenade. The good news is that the man had the common sense to call police to properly dispose of it. The stupid news is that he did this after tossing it in the trunk of his car and driving to Taco Bell. The Taco Bell was evacuated, the bomb squad was called and the authentic WWII hand grenade was eventually disposed of. (See police post here)