Dumbasses for Friday, March 1st

Pensacola, Florida’s Evan Charles McLemore isn’t exactly a skilled negotiator. When police responded to his home on Tuesday after receiving a report of a possible assault at the residence, McLemore barricaded himself in a room. The SWAT team was called in and, after a four-hour standoff with police, McLemore surrendered after he was promised a slice of pizza. McLemore was charged with resisting an officer and aggravated stalking, although it’s not known if he actually got his pizza.


A postal service worker in Struthers, Ohio called police on Wednesday to report that a man was stalking her as she delivered the mail. The letter carrier said the man told her she was very beautiful and asked what she likes to do for fun. When she finally got him to leave, she says the man told her, “There’s going to be another standoff.” Police later arrested the man nearby, where he was knocking on doors and rolling around in the snow. Ironically, the man who was stalking the postal worker was identified as Justin Stamp. (Creepy mug shot here)


An unnamed St. Paul, Minnesota woman is facing charges after she went out clubbing on Wednesday night. However, it has nothing to do with public drunkenness. Instead, the woman became upset when she couldn’t get money out of an ATM and took a golf club to the machine. While the woman has yet to be arrested, her apprehension would seem imminent as her failed ATM transaction not only revealed her name, the machine’s camera also caught her in the act.


The Detroit Police Department has an opening after Chief James Craig announced the firing of 18-year veteran Gary Steele. It seems that Steele and his former partner pulled African-American motorist Ariel Moore over in January for driving with an expired license plate. Her car was seized by the officers during the stop and Steele was heard saying, “priceless” and “bye, Felicia” as Moore walked home. Steele might still have a job had he not posted video of the traffic stop on Snapchat and added the tags: “What black girl magic looks like” and “celebrating Black History Month.”