Dumbasses for Friday, July 12

Guthrie, Oklahoma police recently pulled Stephen Jennings over on a routine traffic stop. However, ‘routine’ went by the wayside when the officer found a rattlesnake, a gun and a canister of radioactive powdered uranium inside the vehicle. The previous sentence was likely explained by a fourth item found in the vehicle, which was an open bottle of Kentucky Deluxe whiskey. Jennings was charged with possession of a stolen vehicle, transporting an open container of liquor and driving with a suspended license.


Florida attorney James Stanley was pulled over by police on Tuesday afternoon. Stanley is now going to need a good attorney as he was found to have an open bottle of rum on his lap when he was stopped. Deputies noted that Stanley smelled of alcohol and had slurred speech as he informed them he’d been drinking since 9 a.m. and admitted, “I’m [expletive] up.” Stanley was unable to walk properly and refused to comply with police sobriety tests and failed to endear himself to officers when he said, “F*** you, I’m a lawyer, you dumb [expletive]. I am not doing the exercises, [expletive] arrest me.” Despite his lack of friendliness, deputies complied with Stanley’s request.


New Mexico’s Eduardo Barros was house-sitting with his girlfriend when they started to argue. As the argument intensified, Barros reportedly pulled out a gun and threatened to kill the woman and asked her: “Did you call the sheriff’s?” His girlfriend didn’t call, but Alexa did. The smart speaker heard Eduardo’s question and, believing it was a command, dialed 911. After an hours-long standoff, Barros was arrested on numerous charges, including possession of a firearm by a felon.


Tennessee Titans offensive lineman Taylor Lewan and former linebacker Will Compton host a podcast called Bussin’ with the Boys. In the latest installment, their guest was coach Mike Vrabel, who was asked if he would exchange a certain body part for a Super Bowl victory. While Lewman said he wouldn’t be willing to say farewell to the boys in exchange for the Vince Lombardi trophy, Vrable said, “Been married 20 years…Yeah, probably.” As if this likely didn’t anger his wife enough, Vrabel doubled down by saying, “You guys will be married for 20 years one day. You won’t need it.”


Johanny Santana was waiting in line at a store in Abington, Pennsylvania last week when a fellow shopper struck up a conversation. The unnamed woman, who has since been dubbed ‘Deportation Daphne,’ went into a rage when a young boy began speaking Spanish and told Santana, “You shouldn’t be in this country. I hope Trump deports you.” Daphne then flashed a dollar bill at Santana and said her money was legal and doesn’t come from drug sales. Daphne may have been surprised to learn that Santana is actually Puerto Rican, and thereby an American citizen, and that the island uses U.S. currency.


Eustis, Florida Burger King manager Ricardo Castillo was approached by an employee and they began speaking in Spanish. A couple of customers eavesdropped on the conversation, with one woman butting in to tell Castillo, “You’re in America, you should speak American English.” As another customer rolled video, she continued, “Yeah, yeah, go back to Mexico if you want to keep speaking Spanish, go back to your Mexican country, your state, your country,” Castillo responded by saying, “Guess what ma’am, I’m not Mexican but you’re being very prejudiced and I want you out of my restaurant, right now.” It turns out that Castillo is Puerto Rican and the video ends with the women leaving the restaurant.


Alexisakira Meltrisenatassi Rieo went for a stroll around Fort Pierce, Florida last week. Unfortunately, Rieo did so while wearing just a black bra. Before long, Rieo was spotted by a deputy, who inquired about the nature of her attire. Rieo responded by walking toward the deputy, grabbing her private area and motioning with her hand saying, “I see you, baby.” Rieo aided the officer’s assessment of the situation by informing him she was on pills and might be pregnant and at one point she said she was hallucinating. Rieo’s family eventually gave her some pants and additional clothing was likely provided by the jail where she was taken on various charges.