Dumbasses for Friday, February 8th

One shopper in North Olmsted, Ohio is about to find out how inconvenient it can be to leave your wallet behind in a store. Along with cash, credit cards and such, this shopper’s wallet contained cocaine and meth. It also contained the owner’s driver’s license and the good news and bad news for the shopper is that police will be returning their wallet shortly.


Schenectady, New York’s Richard J. Betters Jr. sent out a text message on Tuesday notifying acquaintances in his address book that he had illegal drugs for sale. Betters had at least one taker and a meet up was arranged for the transaction. Unfortunately for Betters, his sale of 20 Oxycodone pills was made to a Rotterdam police detective, who placed him under arrest. Police believe Betters had the detective’s mobile number because of prior dealings the detective had with him.


A Saskatoon man recently had his application for personalized license plates turned down. The offensive word he wanted on those plates was his own name. The man’s name is Dave Assman, which he pronounces it “Oss-men.” You may remember back in 1995 David Letterman found a Saskatchewan man by the name of Dick Assman, who he called and had on his show, which sparked what they called in the area ‘Assmania


Britain’s 28-year-old Andrew Lochrie was so desperate to pay off his bills that he stole nearly $2,000 worth of lottery scratch-off tickets from the store he worked at. Unfortunately for Andrew, none of the tickets were winners. Even worse for Andrew is that he was caught and, in addition to whatever bills he had before, a court has ordered him to pay the money back to the store and do 200 hours of community service.


Australia’s Glen James Polglaise was hauled into court after he failed to file income tax returns for six years, from 2012 to 2017. During his court appearance he stated his name was Glen, of the family Polglaise, and said he was exempt from income taxes “as a human being who waives my right to recognition as a person.” If you’re wondering how that defense worked, Glen was found guilty, fined $6,000, and ordered to file his returns by May 1st.