Dumbasses for Friday, February 22nd

Like many people this week, residents in Lincoln, Nebraska were happy to see the city snow plows come and clear their streets. However, for some residents along Normal Boulevard, their street was not only cleared of snow, their mailboxes were also plowed. The city has admitted that one of their plows took out thirty blocks of mailboxes and is reassuring homeowners that they’ll replace them.

 

Washington’s King County Sheriff’s Office had been looking for serial burglary suspect Shayne C. Kennedy since last August. Sheriffs said Kennedy has been terrorizing homeowners by breaking into their garages, sheds and outbuildings. However, homeowners can breathe a sigh of relief as Kennedy has been captured following his latest alleged crime. After receiving a tip, deputies were able to track Kennedy down by following his boot prints in the snow.

 

An unnamed Petersburg, Virginia man recently met someone on a dating app and it resulted in him getting it in the butt. However, it’s not what you’re thinking as the man arrived to meet his date on a dark street, only to find it was a man with a gun waiting to rob him. Our friend was shot in the butt during the robbery attempt and the suspect is still at large.

 

Earlier this month, 73-year-old Joanne Carr was driving in Florida when she apparently ran over some recently planted trees, collided with a fence and ran over another. When deputies arrived, Joanne couldn’t figure out how to unlock her doors or roll down the windows. When asked what happened, Joanne replied, “What do you think, pig?” and informed them she’d been drinking vodka since 8 a.m. Officers duly noted an open container of Smirnoff on the front seat and when deputies told Joanne they were going to perform a DUI investigation she responded, “The hell you are.” Joanne declined to take field sobriety tests and told deputies, “You’re not taking me anywhere but home you (expletive) pig, I mean cow. Moooooo.” As you might guess, Joanne was jailed and breath tests showed she was over three times the legal limit.

 

Port Richey, Florida’s 68-year-old Dale Glen Massad had his medical license revoked in 1992. However, when authorities received a tip that he was still practicing medicine inside his home, deputies arrived with a search warrant. Unfortunately, Massad greeted police by firing shots at them. The SWAT team was called in and eventually Massad was arrested and it’s believed he had prescribed himself some drugs. If his name sounds familiar, he’s Port Richey mayor Dale Glen Massad.

 

An unnamed North Carolina man called Lyft for a ride and his driver showed up in a Dodge Charger SRT. Soon, the driver began chatting about the car’s top speed of 182 mph and demonstrated by accelerating to over 120 mph in a 55-mph zone, passing a North Carolina state trooper in the process. The passenger filmed his ride as they outran pursuing police, weaving in and out of traffic as the driver told him, ‘There’s a blue light. I’m going to jail. I’ve got to go.’  Eventually the driver stopped behind a house, killed the lights and told his passenger, ‘You’re going to Charlotte with me.’ However, the passenger demanded to be let out and called police, who were able to track down driver Michael Cranford, Jr., who was arrested and deactivated by Lyft.

 

Melbourne, Australia mother-of-five Tanya Husnu took her kids to Kmart where she bought her four-year-old son a toy lion. Imagine Tanya’s surprise when one of her twins turned the lion around and yelled out, ‘Look mum, the lion’s got a willy!’ The kids all started laughing and Tanya took a closer look to find the lion was anatomically correct. After leaving Kmart, Tanya took her kids to the zoo, where her kids kept lifting up the lion’s tail and showing strangers its bits as they walked past and yelling out ‘willy!’ Tanya said, “It was so embarrassing.” (See here)

 

An unidentified man at a Colorado Avalanche game on Wednesday caught a puck that was lobbed into the stands by Gabriel Landeskog. Unfortunately, as he reached up to catch the flying puck, the guy elbowed his girlfriend in the head. All might’ve been forgiven had he handed the puck to his girlfriend. However, the dufus instead gave the puck to another woman sitting in front of them. The cameras caught the look on the girlfriend’s face and needless to say he wouldn’t be getting a puck from her that night. (See here)

 

Apparently not wanting to be alone on Valentine’s Day, Lehi, Utah’s David Moss used an app to find intimate companionship of the paid variety. Unfortunately for Moss, the woman he contacted turned out to be an undercover cop and when they met up he was arrested on numerous prostitution charges. It would seem surprising that Moss might get caught with his pants down in such a manner since he’s a former police vice squad lieutenant. However, at the time of his arrest, Moss was serving as a bishop for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, although he has since been removed from his position.