Dumbasses for Friday, August 9th

Florida’s 55-year-old Mitchell Helton got upset when furniture delivery men showed up late to his house last Saturday. The men asked if he still wanted the furniture and Helton allegedly told them to “do whatever you want.” The men say Helton then grabbed a gun and pointed it at them and said, “You know, I’ve shot people for less.” The delivery men called police and while officers have arrested people for less, they did bust Helton on charges of aggravated assault.


An unnamed 34-year-old Toronto woman pulled into a fast food restaurant drive-thru last weekend, but didn’t order anything. Employees asked the woman to move her car and when she refused they called police. When officers arrived, they noticed she was drunk and asked for her license. However, the woman responded, “I don’t have to if I don’t, like, have to” and denied that she’d been driving. When asked how her vehicle got there, the woman said, “I don’t know, I was just ordering some food.” When pressed, the woman finally said, “I obviously drove, but like I wasn’t ready to drive anywhere further.” The woman got that part right as she was placed under arrest for DUI.


Last Christmas, Ohio’s 24-year-old Rebecca Cartellone bought her family one of those home DNA kits so they could trace their history. About two months later the results came in and you can imagine their surprise when they discovered Rebecca didn’t share any of the Cartellone’s DNA. It seems that back in 1994, Joseph and his wife Jennifer underwent in-vitro fertilization to conceive their daughter. Now the family is suing Christ Hospital and a fertility clinic after discovering that Rebecca’s biological father may actually be a doctor at the hospital.


Some children at the Sesame Place amusement park in Pennsylvania learned about the letters ‘F’ and ‘U’ during their visit on Tuesday. It seems that a white lady had a problem with a Muslim woman being in her presence and used the old ‘go back to your own country’ line. The Muslim woman began filming, which prompted the other lady to blow a fuse, complete with middle fingers, F-bombs and a physical attack in front of children. While the Muslim woman enjoyed the rest of the day at the park, the other lady was ejected and publicly shamed with the video online. Police say they’re attempting to identify the lady and are urging anyone else who might have video of the incident to come forward. (See here-NSFW)


Don Grundmann went before California’s Modesto City Council on Wednesday to seek permission to host a “Straight Pride” event later this month. While a decision has yet to be made, things don’t look too promising for Grundmann. The crowd on hand for the meeting booed him before he even began to speak. However, Grundmann soon turned the booing to laughter and cheers. However, he didn’t exactly charm the crowd. Grundmann prompted the outburst when he told the council that his group was “A totally peaceful, racist group.”


Michigan’s Rob and Reyna Mathis had been house hunting for over a month when they thought they found the perfect home in the city of Holton. As they toured the home, they noticed three Confederate flags, which Rob found disturbing and even joked to himself that he was walking through a Ku Klux Klan member’s home. However, all joking was aside when they walked in the bedroom and saw a KKK membership application framed on the wall. Rob says they immediately ended the walk-through and pulled their offer. As it turned out, the home is owned by Muskegon Police Officer Charles Anderson, who could really use money from the sale as he was placed on administrative leave after the story broke. (See Rob’s post here)