Extra Dumbasses

Paramedics parked their ambulance outside a Roseburg, Oregon apartment building last Sunday afternoon and went inside to perform CPR on an unconscious woman. That ambulance would’ve come in handy when they determined the woman needed to go to the hospital. Unfortunately, Christy Lynn Woods noticed the unlocked ambulance and decided to help herself. Christy led police from various agencies on a high-speed chase up Interstate 5 for nearly 30 miles, at one point ramming a cop car off the freeway. When she was finally apprehended, Christy seemed to wonder why she was being arrested saying, “I was a good [expletive] driver,” and questioned why paramedics left the ambulance unlocked. On her way to jail, Christy said, “Oh my God, I can’t believe I just did that” and, considering her lengthy rap sheet added, “Piss…I’m going to prison.”

 

Last week, Zoey Oxley submitted a paper to her professor at Ohio University in Athens. Unfortunately, Zoey couldn’t remember Professor John Hendel’s name, so she used a temporary placeholder of ‘Professor whats his nuts’. Zoey intended to switch out the nickname for Hendel’s real name before submitting the assignment, but guess what? Zoey was forced to write an apology to her professor after she uploaded the assignment without changing the name. Both Zoey and her professor shared the faux pas on their Twitter accounts and, luckily for her, Professor Handel saw the humor of it all, but there’s no word on her grade. (See tweet here, here)

 

An unnamed London resident recently called animal control to report a lizard was unresponsive and curled in a ball in her garden. When Animal Collection Officer David Eckworth arrived he found the lizard was actually a half-eaten dog’s elephant chew toy. Eckworth said, “It was quite entertaining but I think the woman was a little embarrassed.”

 

You may recall the story last week about those dirty, taped up sneakers that Nordstrom was selling for $530 a pair. The Golden Goose Superstar Taped Sneaker is described as “Crumply, hold-it-all-together tape details a distressed leather sneaker in a retro low profile with a signature sidewall star and a grungy rubber cup sole.” In what may say a lot about the current state of society, Nordstrom says the shoe has sold out.

 

Teenager Polly Holland has diabetes and was traveling with her parents through England’s Manchester Airport when security detected a liquid in her carry-on luggage. That liquid was her insulin, which the family was asked to remove and place in plastic bags. However, the family was worried the bags would contaminate the insulin and they provided a letter from her hospital stating she needed to carry it with her at all times. Polly was worried she wouldn’t get to continue on her family’s Italian vacation and one member of the security staff did little to calm Polly’s fears by telling the family the insulin could make the plane crash and that it would be her fault. No word on whether the family arrived at their destination, but the airport later apologized, saying the situation could have been handled better.

 

Delta Airlines passenger Derek Edward Maas was flying from Salt Lake City to Orlando on Friday morning when he caught a connecting flight to the Oklahoma County Jail. The flight was forced to make an emergency landing after a “violent” and “unruly” Maas head-butted one flight attendant and yelled at another. Crew members later told police that prior to the incident Maas appeared intoxicated, but didn’t seem dangerous. However, that was before he ordered two alcoholic beverages on board the flight and was cut off when he tried to order another.

 

Pittsburgh Police arrested Bobby Lee Jones on DUI charges early Saturday morning. While something like this isn’t too out of the ordinary, in this case the arrest took place on the roof of a Giant Eagle store. Police say Jones was speeding when he struck a curb and the vehicle apparently went airborne. Officers arrived to find Jones staggering out of his car, his speech slurred and breath smelling of alcohol. No word on how tall the Giant Eagle store is, but this is the second time in the last two years that a driver has crash landed on its roof. (See police post here)

 

Bardstown, Kentucky police officer Matthew Glass was practicing on a firearms training range last Friday. While normally a routine part of the job, Kentucky State Police say Glass was shooting while drunk and arrested him after he was found to have a water bottle filled with a clear alcohol.

Guy Fakes His Own Kidnapping So He Could Go Drinking With His Friends

 

A man managed to get himself jailed for 16 weeks and miss the birth of his child, after lying to his pregnant girlfriend that he had been kidnapped, just so he could get drunk with his buddies.

This kidnapping prank gone wrong took place in January, when Leigh Ford, a 45-year-old man from Blackpool, England, made several frantic phone calls to his pregnant partner Zoe Doyle, telling her that he had been kidnapped and that he was going to be tortured unless she transferred all the money she had into the kidnappers’ bank account. At first, the woman thought he was kidding, but he sounded really scared, and there were other men shouting in the background, threatening to cut off Leigh’s legs, and pour hot water on him. So she complied, but she also called the police.

“At first, I just thought he was winding me up,” 35-year-old Zoe said. “But he sounded really scared. The phone went dead and then it rang again. I could hear men shouting in the background, threatening to break Leigh’s legs and throw boiling water over him. They were threatening to mutilate him, cut off his genitals, and I was panic-stricken.”

Leigh kept screaming and begging his girlfriend, who was 35 weeks pregnant at the time, to comply with the kidnappers demands, so she transferred all the money she had – £80 – in the provided bank account, before alerting the authorities. A helicopter and a trained hostage negotiator were called in for what sounded like a complicated situation, but no one called again until next morning, when Leigh himself came home like nothing had ever happened.

Police were waiting for him, and after asking him a few questions, they arrested him for wasting police time and resources. At first, the 45-year-old kept lying about what had really happened, but after being shown video evidence of himself and two friends leaving a shop and carrying booze, he confessed to making up the whole kidnapping thing.

“He appeared in court the following day and I was stunned when I heard the truth. I just couldn’t believe that Leigh would do that. He had wasted all those police resources. He had put me through hell,” Zoe said. “The silly thing was, it was his own money. He could have spent it if he had wanted. It just didn’t make sense.”

Leigh Ford apologized to his girlfriend fro putting her through such an ordeal, claiming that his friends had put him up to it, and because they had all had a few drinks, he just couldn’t think straight. Despite being so furious she could strangle him, Zoe eventually forgave her prankster partner, as she is convinced he really loves her.

Unfortunately for Ford, the judge wasn’t that forgiving. For wasting around £30,000 worth of police resources during the unnecessary 24h rescue operation, Leigh Ford was sentenced to 16 weeks in jail. The sentence went into effect in February and caused the prankster to miss the birth of his child.

“This is a bizarre case… a prank which went totally wrong,” said Ford’s defense lawyer. “The whole kidnap story had been made up by Ford to get his hands on a small amount of money. He had no idea what the police reaction was going to be. He was stupid and it was out-of-character.”

Man climbs into elephant enclosure at Denmark zoo

By Ben Hooper

Sept. 21 (UPI) — A shocked visitor to a zoo in Denmark captured video of a man who climbed into the elephant enclosure, prompting an aggressive response from the animals.

The video shows a man in the elephant enclosure at the Copenhagen Zoo on Thursday attempt to approach the elephants, leading the animals to form a protective barrier between him and a calf.

The elephants stamp aggressively as a warning toward the man, who initially does not seem worried by their behavior.

The pachyderms eventually chase the man out of the enclosure and he flees the area before he can be detained by zoo security.

 

https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2018/09/21/Man-climbs-into-elephant-enclosure-at-Denmark-zoo/4061537550078/

Strip club closed after food stamps used to buy lap dances, drugs, investigators say

 

By Wayne Baker, daytondailynews.com

HARRISON TOWNSHIP, OHIO —

The Ohio Liquor Control Commission revoked the liquor permit of Sharkey’s bar, an adult entertainment establishment, effective at the close of business Thursday, after investigators used food stamps to buy lap dances.

Agent-in-Charge Michelle Thourot said agents began investigating the Twenty Two Fifty Inc., also known as Sharkey’s, in May 2017. During the investigation, agents were able to purchase drugs and lap dances using food stamp benefits.

Throughout the five-month investigation, agents reportedly exchanged $2,404.87 in food stamps to purchase heroin, fentanyl, carfentanil, cocaine, methamphetamines and lap dances.

Criminal charges were filed against employees and patrons for drug trafficking, food stamp trafficking, aggravated shipment and distribution of heroin, engaging in a pattern of corrupt activity and illegal sexual activity.

Agents also filed 44 charges that were heard by the Liquor Control Commission that included drug possession, drug sales, engaging in sexual activity, food stamp trafficking and solicitation.

This is the second adult entertainment establishment liquor permit that has been revoked by the Liquor Control Commission as a result of an Ohio Investigative Unit investigation into food stamp and drug trafficking this year in the Dayton area. The other location, The Harem, lost its liquor license in May 2018.

https://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/national/strip-club-closed-after-food-stamps-used-buy-lap-dances-drugs-investigators-say/EpXD0lP7lUaEGymCM4AgJO/

Airline Passengers’ Ears And Noses Bleed After Pilots ‘Forgot’ To Pressurize Cabin

 

By Andy McDonald

If you have a fear of flying already, you may want to skip to the bottom where the situation ends happily ever after.

A Jet Airways flight in India, traveling from Mumbai to Jaipur, had to return to Mumbai for an emergency landing after just 45 minutes in the air. The pilots reportedly “forgot” to flick the switch that stabilizes cabin pressure, and as a result, multiple passengers bled from their ears and nose.

“The 9W 697 Mumbai-Jaipur flight was turned back to Mumbai after take off as, during the climb, crew forgot to select switch to maintain cabin pressure. This resulted in the oxygen masks dropping,” said Lalit Gupta, deputy director general with the country’s Directorate General of Civil Aviation, according to the Hindustan Times. “Thirty out of 166 passengers experienced nose and ear bleeding, some also complained of headache.”

The Boeing 737 landed safely early Thursday at the Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport. A few passengers tweeted out video and photos of the incident.

The airline released a Saturday statement saying five passengers “were referred to a hospital for additional medical check-up,” but it appears that no one was seriously injured. The airline added that it is fully cooperating with the ongoing investigation carried out DGCA.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/airline-passengers-ears-and-noses-bleed-after-pilots-forgot-to-pressurize-cabin_us_5ba675e6e4b069d5f9d366c8

Indiana bus driver arrested on suspicion of letting students drive vehicle

By Bob D’Angelo, Cox Media Group National Content Desk

An Indiana bus driver was arrested Friday, accused of allowing three teenagers to drive her bus, the Chicago Tribune reported.

Joandrea McAtee, 27, was arrested by the Porter County Sheriff’s Office and charged with felony neglect of a dependent after she allegedly let three students, ages 11, 13 and 17, drive her vehicle, the newspaper reported.

Videos posted on Twitter allegedly showing the incident have gone viral, WBBM reported.

In one video on Twitter, a woman is hovering over a child steering a school bus. “Don’t you tell no other adults,” she can be heard saying.

In another Twitter video, the woman cannot be seen but the girl is steering the bus, the television station reported. “It’s all good, it’s all good. I’m letting her stop at Michael’s stop,” a woman’s voice can be heard saying.

Jeff Biggs, chief deputy for the Sheriff’s Department, said in a release that a Boone Grove parent contacted the high school’s school resource officer, because McAtee allegedly let students drive her assigned bus. According to the release, McAtee allegedly allowed three students to drive her bus short distances as they dropped students off after school around 3 p.m. Thursday.

McAtee was immediately relieved of all duties, Biggs said.

“The students and parents that immediately came forward with this information should be commended for doing exactly what we teach, which is see something, say something,” Porter County Sheriff David Reynolds said in a prepared statement.

“An investigation was immediately started and no one was injured or harmed. The sheriff’s office and the Porter Township School Corp. take safety and security of every student seriously and every parent must understand that this case will be investigated thoroughly.”

First Student, the company that operates buses in Porter Township, released a statement to ABC News that said it was “incredibly disappointed” by McAtee’s alleged actions.

“There is nothing more important than the safety of the students we transport,” the statement said. “Behavior such as this is completely unacceptable and totally at odds with what we stand for as a company. The driver has been terminated. We have a zero-tolerance policy for employees whose actions may harm or put others at risk.”

https://www.ajc.com/news/indiana-bus-driver-arrested-suspicion-letting-students-drive-vehicle/MDyVEzoTtCqYJYCR4YM36K/

Even More Extra Dumbasses

Margarita Hall was traveling west on Pembroke Road in Hallandale Beach, Florida, on Wednesday morning when she turned south on what she thought was the Dixie Highway. While rails and crossties would’ve clued most people in to the fact that it was not the Dixie Highway, but railroad tracks, the 65-year-old Margarita was not most people. Margarita said she finally got a clue something was amiss when she felt the car drop and it started to ride very rough. Margarita’s car became stuck, so she called 9-1-1 for instructions and informed the operator a train was coming. Luckily, the operator advised Margarita to vacate the vehicle and she did so before the train struck her car, pushed it 500 feet down the tracks, and reduced it to scrap metal.

 

Virginia’s Krystal Milne undertook what’s described as a ‘crafty’ attempt to smuggle drugs to her boyfriend inside of the Hampton City Jail. In a jailhouse phone call between Krystal and her inmate boyfriend, Robert Davis, she told him to expect several letters featuring glitter glue and crayons and that he should pay special attention to the middle cloud in the picture. Apparently unbeknownst to either of them, jail officials monitor those calls and now Krystal will have to find someone to smuggle drugs to her in jail.

 

Last Saturday, Victor Sosa was driving his friends around San Francisco after closing time, trying to find a place to purchase additional adult beverages. At some point during their journey, backseat passenger Jose Beltran removed a loaded gun from his waistband because it had become uncomfortable. Jose then began waving the gun to the tune of the music playing in the car, prompting a female passenger to request that he put the gun away. Apparently Jose didn’t take requests as the gun went off, with the bullet striking Victor. The woman took control of the car and stopped it as Jose apologized and fled the scene. Jose turned himself in the next day and is facing firearm and involuntary manslaughter charges.

 

Dena Knapp went to the Surgical Institute of South Dakota in October of 2016 to have an adrenal gland and an associated mass removed. However, Dr. Scott Baker instead removed Dena’s perfectly healthy right kidney. Dena has since developed stage-three kidney disease and is suing the institute. While Dr. Baker admits to mistakenly removing the kidney, he and the hospital say they didn’t breach the standard of care by removing the kidney, failing to remove the adrenal gland and failing to admit the mistake. They also deny that Dena suffered damages.

 

Nordstrom is selling a $530 pair of shoes on their website. While that doesn’t seem all that outrageous by Nordstrom standards, the Golden Goose sneakers look more like an old sneaker you’d leave behind at a Payless Shoe Source than buy new at a luxury department store. The Golden Goose sneakers are also known as the “Superstar Taped Sneaker,” and have what’s described as “Crumply, hold-it-all-together tape” and “a grungy rubber cup sole.” In other words, the shoes look like they’re dirty and falling apart. (See here)

 

An unnamed man paid a visit to California’s Fresno Chaffee Zoo on Wednesday. Unfortunately, he did so after closing hours. To make matters worse, our friend decided a visit inside the lion enclosure would be fun, although he likely changed his mind when a lioness grabbed him. Luckily, the man escaped with just minor injuries to his left foot and his actions were later explained by the drug paraphernalia police found on him during his arrest.

 

Metro UK claims a man in Essex, England has been spotted driving around town in a battery operated bumper car. The man appears to follow all the rules of the road and uses his arms as turn signals.

 

Cleveland.com claims a Bainbridge Township, Ohio resident recently called the police because her drunk neighbor was talking to a tree. Officers responded to the call and found the woman deep in conversation while holding a bag full of empty beer bottles. Cops turned the woman over to her boyfriend and told him to keep her indoors for the rest of the night.

 

The Sun claims Londoner Darlene Mullen stole a $35 jacket from a UK department store while on her way to court to be sentenced for a previous shoplifting theft. When she arrived at court, she had security guards put the coat’s price tags in the trash. Cops arrested Darlene as she was leaving the courthouse. She was immediately taken into custody.

 

Woman pulls knife on security agent then hits him with fanny pack containing surprise pigeon

 

In Northern Virginia, a distraught woman yelled at Social Security Administration workers, then hit a security guard in the head with her fanny pack–which held a small pigeon inside. She then pulled a knife on the security agent.

She has been arrested and charged with attempted unlawful wounding, police said, for attempting to attack the guard with a knife. She may face other charges related to the bird, officials said.

The pigeon will be “returned to the wild after the investigation is complete,” said police.

From the Washington Post:

Fairfax County Police said the incident unfolded around 10:24 a.m. Tuesday at the Social Security Administration office on Waples Mill Road in Fairfax, not far from Fair Oaks Mall and Interstate 66.

Police were called when the woman assaulted a security guard in the facility and yelled at employees there.

When the guard tried to approach her, she hit him in the head with her fanny pack, police said. Once the security guard escorted her outside, she pulled a knife and threatened him, they said. He closed the door to the facility and police arrived.

A police officer found the woman — who was later identified as Laurie Weaver, 56, of New York — nearby. She was arrested without incident. Officers checked her fanny pack and found the pigeon inside.

The pigeon was taken to a local animal shelter and was not harmed, officials said. No one was hurt during the incident.

Drunk burglar rammed Worcester shop using giraffe

 

(BBC) A burglar, drunk on Lambrini and beer, used a giraffe statue as a battering ram to break into a shop and fell asleep at the scene, a court has heard.

Edward Galbraith, 20, said he had no memory of the break in at a shop in Worcester on 3 September and woke up confused under a clothes rail.

The giraffe, named Dotty, was due to be auctioned to raise money for a hospice.

Galbraith was handed a community order after pleading guilty at Worcester Magistrates’ Court.

He admitted stealing £452 worth of clothes and damaging Dotty, part of a sculpture trail around the city, during the break-in at about 02:00 BST.

Galbraith, of Cromer Road in Worcester, was ordered to pay £1,860 in compensation and complete 150 hours of unpaid work.

Dotty, meanwhile, “will need to be taken to a fibreglass specialist to be repaired”, prosecutor Kerry Lovegrove said.

Galbraith has written to St Richard’s Hospice, for which the sculpture trail was fundraising, as well as the Two Seasons shop on Chapel Walk he broke into apologising for his actions.

“His memory of the incident is somewhat vague at best,” his defence said.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-hereford-worcester-45592235

Pickup truck driver leads police on chase, ‘drinking beer as he stopped’

 

OCALA, Fla. —

A man who allegedly stole a vehicle, refused a sobriety test and led police on a chase was booked into jail Tuesday.

WOFL-TV reported the man “stopped, holding two full beer cans out the window” as police approached.

“Drinking beer as he stopped,” a voice says in a police body camera video.

Video showed him extending his hands out of the truck’s window to surrender, eventually dropping both cans to the ground.

Justin Smith, 27, of Houston, faces several charges, including grand theft of a motor vehicle, fleeing at a high rate of speed and refusal to take a sobriety test.

He was scheduled for court appearances on Thursday and Oct. 23.

https://www.wmur.com/article/misfit-farm-takes-in-nurtures-abandoned-and-abused-animals/23347449