Dumbasses for Friday, April 19th

Gianny Sosa-Hernandez has chosen the wrong path to wrestling stardom. Last month, Gianny was arrested for attempting to perform the “R.K.O.” wrestling move on his principal at Miami Southridge Senior High School. Gianny was released without bond in connection with that incident, but is still perfecting his wrestling moves. Unfortunately, Gianny’s grappling aspirations have gotten him arrested again after he was caught wrestling a fake alligator at The Falls Shopping Center. The $3,690 plastic gator was damaged in the incident, which Gianny was nice enough to videotape for prosecutors. (See here)

 

Paul Konen was convicted in San Diego yesterday on assault charges. Prosecutors said that Konen attacked surfer Kevin Eslinger last June at Sunset Cliffs with a paddleboard and hit him so hard that he suffered brain damage and still has speech problems. Konen faces up to seven years in prison and if you’re wondering why he assaulted Eslinger, it seems the two were quarreling over who had the right to a wave.

 

Florida’s Matthew Joseph Erris hit the red and blue lights on his vehicle and pulled over a motorist this week. However, to Erris was human as he pulled over the motorist despite the fact that he isn’t actually a policeman. However, the person that Erris pulled over was a real undercover Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office detective. Deputies then turned the tables on Erris and after they pulled him over they found an airsoft pistol under his passenger seat and arrested him for impersonating a law enforcement officer. (See Sheriffs post here)

 

A Shenzen, China woman, identified only as Lily, recently got a fish bone stuck in her throat. However, instead of going to a doctor, Lily tried to remove the bone by scooping it out with a spoon. Unfortunately, Lily swallowed the spoon. Not wanting to miss the Qingming Festival, Lily waited four days before going to a hospital. Doctors were able to extract the spoon, but not before it had caused swelling and erosion in her duodenum.

 

Dumbasses for Tuesday, April 16th

A police officer spotted Miami’s Gabriel Molina driving recklessly in a Ferrari early Sunday morning. However, when the officer flipped on his lights and siren, Molina hit the gas and sped away. Sgt. Robert Dosh was able to catch up with Molina when he stopped for gas, but he denied that he was fleeing from officers saying, “The car is a Ferrari and it goes fast.”  However, a woman in Molina’s Ferrari contradicted him, saying Molina did indeed see Sgt. Dosh’s lights and heard his siren and that she told him to slow down. The woman was free to go and wasn’t held by officers, nor was she held by Molina that morning as he was arrested on felony fleeing and eluding charges.

 

An unnamed 29-year-old man crashed his car outside a Carl’s Jr. in Palmdale, California, Sunday afternoon. The man then got out of the car, stripped off his clothes and ran naked into a nearby McDonald’s, where he stabbed an 88-year-old man who was eating with his wife and their family. The man then left the restaurant where he assaulted an armed security guard. Unfortunately, the man had brought a knife to a gun fight and got his life to go. Police say they’re looking into whether the man was under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

 

A 22-year-old Edmonton man is facing charges after allegedly pouring gasoline on more than a dozen cars and setting them ablaze on Friday evening. Bystanders captured the man and held him for police and perhaps it was his parents that doomed the man to a life of crime as they named him Malice Sutton.

 

A memorial gathering to honor a deceased family member deteriorated into an alcohol-fueled brawl in Niagara Falls on Friday night. Police reported that they quickly dispersed most of the combatants from, but one woman refused to leave and was arrested. That woman’s name is Pleasure Cox.

 

After injuring his knee, Norway’s Claus Jørstad went to Ikea and bought a stool to sit on while showering. Unfortunately, Claus discovered an inherent design flaw in the stool, which has a number of holes in the seating area. While sitting on the stool during his shower, one of his boys got stuck in a hole. Claus was stuck in his situation so long that he ran out of hot water. Luckily, the cold water did its thing and the ensuing shrinkage allowed Claus to escape his dilemma. Claus later alerted Ikea to the stool’s defect in what became a viral Facebook post. While Ikea suggested that he use the stool in the shower only when clothed, he now drapes a cloth over it.

 

Laredo, Texas’ Lizeth Ramirez was arrested on two counts of assault and family violence after she physically attacked her husband and a family member that attempted to intervene. If you’re wondering why Lizeth would attack her hubby, it seems they were at the movies and she asked him if she looked pretty. When he didn’t hear her and failed to respond, she began fuming and later opened a can on him.

 

Newport, New Hampshire’s Timothy Hale thought someone was in his room on Sunday night, so he pulled out his gun and fired a shot. Hale successfully fended off a 2-year-old girl in an upstairs apartment when his shot wounded her in the leg. Police arrested Hale, who explained his actions by saying he’d been drinking.

 

California Highway Patrol officers arrested a suspected drunken driver early Sunday morning. While that’s hardly news anymore, the unnamed 22-year-old motorist was arrested after he rear-ended a CHP patrol car on Interstate 680 near Martinez.

 

Dumbasses for Friday, April 12th

Anson County, North Carolina Sheriff’s Deputy David Scott Burroughs told colleagues he’d received several anonymous tips about a man dealing drugs out of his car. Several days later, the man was stopped by police and, sure enough, the drugs were exactly where Burroughs said they’d be. However, it was Burroughs who ended up in jail. It seems his colleagues became suspicious that anyone selling drugs would have them in the same place for several days. They soon determined Burroughs bought the drugs and planted them on the guy because he was dating his ex-girlfriend and wanted to get back together with her. Burroughs was fired and has been arrested.

 

When Chloe Jones found herself on the Greene County, Pennsylvania Sheriff’s Department’s “Top Ten Most Wanted List,” she went on the department’s Facebook page and wrote, “Do you guys do pick up or delivery??” and added four crying-laughing emojis for good measure. Chloe then argued with other commenters and said she was at a hospital in Morgantown, West Virginia. If you’re wondering how the story ends, sheriffs wrote in a follow-up post, “Ms. Chloe Jones and her witty comments are taking a hiatus from our Facebook comments section due to the jail not having internet for her to use.”

 

Wednesday morning, Florida Highway Patrol troopers were dispatched to a highway rest stop regarding three naked women. A trooper arrived to find Oasis Mcleod, Jeniyah Mcleod and Cecilia Young applying sunscreen and said they were air drying after showering. However, as the officer tried to get information, they jumped in their car and drove away. Eventually, troopers caught up with the women at a convenience store, but when they tried to arrest one of them, another tried to run over a trooper with their car, while the third attempted to hit him with a metal bat. Another chase ensued and the women were caught again and this time they were Tasered before being arrested.

 

A New Jersey dentist thought it would be funny to decorate his home for Easter by placing Playboy bunny mannequins on his lawn dressed in lingerie. Not seeing the humor in it was angry neighbor Desiree Shepstone, who used garden shears to destroy the display. Unfortunately for Desiree, she did so while a TV news crew was filming a segment on the display and even talked to the reporter, saying she was doing it because she didn’t want her 16-year-old son to see it. When asked if she was worried about getting in trouble for the vandalism, she replied, “No, I think it would be worth it.” Desiree may be rethinking that now as she was issued a summons to appear in court. (See here)

 

An unnamed woman was in a Glendora, California, Walmart parking lot on Monday when a Southern California Edison worker asked her to move her car so he could park his company truck. The unnamed woman then earned the nickname Walmart Wendy when she instead called police and asked them to come and arrest the worker. Wendy then asked the worker if he was from Africa and if he had a green card while a bystander began filming the incident. That prompted Wendy to tell the operator, “I don’t know this guy, he’s videotaping me and he looks creepy from Mexico.” When the bystander called Wendy a racist, she responded by saying she can’t be racist because her father is black and her nephew is “Italian, Mexican and aloha.” (See here)

 

An unnamed couple in China were exchanging vows at the altar when the ceremony was rudely interrupted by the groom’s ex-girlfriend. The ex showed up to the ceremony in a wedding gown and took the groom’s hand as he held the bride’s. The groom repeatedly pulled his hand away from his ex, but the bride stormed off with the groom in hot pursuit, leaving the ex crumpled in a heap on the floor. Alas, it’s not known if the bride and groom ever finished the ceremony. (See here)

 

An unnamed New Jersey man was able to convince girlfriend Tasia Young to have a threesome with another woman on Sunday. However, when the party was over, the man ordered a taxi for his girlfriend and invited the other woman to stay behind. As you might imagine, Tasia was burning mad. In fact, Tasia was burning mad in a literal sense as she later confessed to starting a fire at her presumably now ex-boyfriend’s apartment. Tasia has been charged with arson, aggravated assault, criminal mischief and multiple counts of endangering another person.

 

Defuniak Springs, Florida’s Cassandra Goldsmith recently spent four days alone with her boyfriend. While that may sound romantic to some, it resulted in Cassandra’s arrest. It seems that while Cassandra was away with her boo, her four children were home alone without enough food. Cassandra returned home Wednesday morning while authorities were still on the scene and was promptly arrested for child neglect.

 

An unnamed woman crashed her car in Cairo, New York on Wednesday. Local police noted on their Facebook page: “It is believed that the operator of the vehicle noticed a spider in the driver’s area with her as she was driving. The operator panicked and crashed, suffering a leg injury from the crash.” (See here)

(How many IS that?!)Thief Steals $21,000 Worth Of Panties From Victoria’s Secret, Police Say

By Matt Higgins, CBS

LOWER ALLEN TOWNSHIP, Pa. (CBS) — Police in Lower Allen Township say someone stole $21,000 worth of panties from a Victoria’s Secret on Sunday. The incident happened around 3 p.m. at the store inside the Capital City Mall.

According to police, the thief stole 2,000 pairs of panties from Victoria’s Secret, totaling $21,000.

More: https://philadelphia.cbslocal.com/2019/04/09/21000-worth-panties-stolen-victorias-secret-capital-city-mall-police-say/

(REALLY?) Woman on probation for bestiality indicted for Warren bank robbery

WFMJ -WARREN, Ohio – A woman who is currently on probation for bestiality has been indicted by a Trumbull County Grand Jury on one charge of robbery.

35-year-old Amber Finney is accused of robbing Chase Bank on West Market Street in Warren back in February.

According to police, employees at the bank said a woman, later identified as Finney, walked into the bank and handed a teller a note.

More:  http://www.wfmj.com/story/40271673/woman-on-probation-for-bestiality-indicted-for-warren-bank-robbery#

Dumbasses for Wednesday, April 10th

Washington County, Oregon deputies received a 9-1-1 call from a panicked woman this week, saying that someone was in her bathroom. The woman went on to say that the bathroom door was locked, but she could see shadows moving beneath the door and heard “rustling” sounds. Several deputies surrounded the house before entering and ordering the suspect out. While the suspect ignored the commands, the rustling sounds continued until deputies finally drew their guns and broke down the door to find a Roomba doing its job. The sheriff’s office posted the Roomba’s mug shot on Facebook and noted that since the only items stolen were dust bunnies, shed hair and scraps of tissue, it was released on its own recognizance. (See post here)

 

Gainesville, Florida police responded to a weekend call about a Waffle House filled beyond its legal capacity. By the time police arrived, there were two less people sitting among the patrons. Officers encountered Ezekiel Hicks in the parking lot, where he admitted to shooting Craig Brewer to death. Brewer had been handing out $20 bills and paying for customers’ meals until a female acquaintance of Hicks got into a beef with him because she wasn’t a recipient of his handouts. Hicks then intervened and got into a physical altercation with Brewer before going outside to get a gun and returning to fire the fatal shots.

 

Corpus Christi, Texas’ Esmeralda Garza has been sentenced to six years in prison after she was arrested last July when police carried out a drug raid. However, Esmeralda isn’t going to prison because of her drug use. Esmeralda is going to the slammer because she attempted to settle her drug debt by selling her 7-year-old son for $2,500.

 

Neal Myers is on trial in Clayton, Missouri for last year’s shooting death of Scott Beary. Myers is basing his case on Missouri’s self-defense law, which says people may legally use deadly force if they believe it’s necessary to protect themselves. Myers is accused of shooting Beary during a drunken argument at Show-Me’s Sports Bar and Grill over the weight and toughness of German shepherds trained for police work.

 

Londonderry, New Hampshire’s Brittany Pescia is suing a local drinking establishment claiming she lost her balance and fell through a narrow entrance while trying to pass by two drunk and brawling men. The suit claims Brittany suffered a cerebral concussion, mild traumatic brain injury, post-concussion syndrome and a spinal injury and accuses the bar of negligence. In case you were wondering the name of the place where Brittany took her tumble, it’s the Stumble Inn Bar & Grill.

 

Florida’s Andrew Francis Lippi owns the “Real World” house on Key Haven, where the MTV series shot its 17th season in 2006 and recently purchased an $8 million island off Key West. Apparently the properties have left him short on cash because Lippi was arrested over the weekend after police said he schemed to rip off household goods, including coffeemakers, light bulbs and a bed skirt, from Kmart by purchasing the items and then returning the original boxes with other things packed inside. The total value of items in the master heist was $300.59.

 

Police in Crossville, Tennessee pulled over Sally Selby early Friday morning as she drove down Highway 127. However, Sally wasn’t speeding, but it was her lack of speed that caught officers’ attention as she cruised in the slow lane of the highway on a mobility scooter. Sally explained that she was on her way to Waffle House to buy a cup of coffee, but she never got her caffeine fix as officers discovered that the scooter had been stolen from a nearby Walmart and she was arrested.

 

 

Dumbasses for Tuesday, April 9th

A high school baseball game in Ridgefield, Connecticut, was threatened with postponement over the weekend due to soggy field conditions. In an effort to get the game started on time, someone came up with the idea to dry the field out by pouring 24 gallons of gasoline onto it and then setting it on fire. Town officials later reported the incident on its Facebook page, calling it ‘a poor decision’ and indicating the incident was under investigation. Not only was the game not played that day, it could be a week before the contaminated soil can be replaced at a cost of $50,000 and the field can be used again.

 

Tennessee’s John Ralph lived with his mother and was apparently unhappy with the arrangement. Ralph made numerous statements to friends and family that his mother was driving him crazy and even asked co-workers to photograph him at work in case something happened to her. That proved to be prophetic as the body of Ralph’s mother was found at their home on Saturday and police say she died from severe head trauma and several gunshot wounds. The good news for Ralph is that he no longer has to worry about living with his mother as he now has a place of his own in jail. Police quickly connected the dots and Ralph was arrested at the Atlanta airport that same day while attempting to flee the country.

 

Shannon Moore was involved in a two-car crash on Wednesday night in West Springfield, Massachusetts that caused her vehicle to flip over. When firefighters arrived to see if she’d been injured, Shannon declined to cooperate and apparently wasn’t too concerned about the incident. Even after police determined that Shannon had been driving under the influence and placed her under arrest, she seemed to roll with it as she was all smiles when posing for her epic mug shot. (See here)

 

While you’ve likely said some unkind things about an ex and even mocked their new partner, you probably didn’t have to spend two years in jail and pay a $50,000 fine for doing so. That’s the situation British mother Laleh Shahravesh is facing after calling her ex-husband an “idiot” and his new wife a “horse” on Facebook. Laleh wrote the comments while in Britain several years ago and had likely forgotten them. However, when she flew to Dubai last month to attend his funeral, Laleh found out the government there had a long memory as they placed her under arrest for violating cybercrimes laws. Various organizations are working to free Laleh, who’s lost two dress sizes from the stress.

 

California Uber driver Jackie Gordon Wilson recently dropped off a passenger at the airport. Knowing they were leaving town and their home would be unattended, Jackie allegedly returned to their San Mateo house to rob it. What Jackie didn’t know is that the homeowner had one of those Ring security cameras. The camera caught him in action and the homeowners shared the video online. The very next day police arrested Jackie, who was wearing the same clothes as he wore in the Ring security video, and had several of the stolen items in his possession.

 

Washington, D.C.’s Evan Osnos found himself locked out of his iPad after his 3-year-old tried repeatedly to unlock it. Apparently, it’s a typical Apple security feature that starts with a 30-second warning and goes up in increments from there to five minutes, 10 minutes, an hour and so on. Unfortunately, Evan’s kid has locked him out of his iPad for more than 25 million minutes, or 48 years. Evan asked for help online and received suggestions such as rebooting his kid or just waiting it out. It turns out the device can be reset, but if Evan didn’t back up his data it’s gone for good. (See iPad here)

Dumbasses for Friday, April 5th

San Jose, California’s 72-year-old Hector Estrada received a rude welcome when he returned home from grocery shopping on Wednesday morning. Estrada was greeted by an armed 14-year-old kid demanding his car keys. When he refused to hand over his keys, a scuffle ensued, at which time Estrada informed the punk that he was being recorded by his home surveillance camera. The thug said he didn’t care and forcibly took the keys, jumped into Estrada’s car and sped away. However, the yob’s joyride didn’t last long as he wrecked Estrada’s ride. No word on whether the delinquent cared about cameras when police took his mug shot as they were booking him on numerous charges.

 

Tiffany Root was stopped by Lancaster, Pennsylvania police late Tuesday. During the stop, officers found drugs, but as police were taking Tiffany to the hospital, she came up with an ingenious plan to destroy seven bags of heroin by eating them. Not only was that unsuccessful, Tiffany never got a chance to eat the other 80-plus pills she had and there’s no word what she planned to do with the two boxes of glassine bags, an electronic scale, multiple dime-sized bags and a cut straw she also had. Not only is Tiffany facing numerous drug charges, her passenger, Thomas Seymour, was taken into custody on a bench warrant.

 

Denver garbage truck workers are supposed to empty their liquid trash at a landfill or a transfer station. Unfortunately for Karen Bautista, the crew of one garbage truck dumped its load in front of her house. Fortunately for Karen, her doorbell camera caught the city worker in the act. While Karen said it smelled like rotten poop, city officials say it was actually a mixture of mud, dirt and debris and that they planned to clean it up. However, they didn’t say if the worker would be disciplined.

 

Rebecca Mankey was in a California Starbucks when she saw a man, identified only as Victor, wearing a MAGA hat. After confronting Victor, Mankey turned to the other customers and accused him of hating brown people and being a Nazi and said she was going to publicly shame him and try to get him fired. No word on how Victor feels about brown people, but it’s unlikely he’s a Nazi since he’s Jewish and 74 years old and not likely to have a job to be fired from. However, there was one firing as Mankey was fired from her job at Gryphon Stringed Instruments after the incident was posted on social media.

 

There’s one less creep on the streets of Pennsylvania following the arrest of 64-year-old David Fetter. Police say Fetter tried to lure a young girl into his car on Saturday in an incident that was captured on home security video. Luckily, the girl ran inside her house and told her father, who happens to be Ridley Township police officer Bill Moss. Moss is well acquainted with Fetter as he tried the same thing with his other daughter two years ago.

 

Harrisville, Utah’s Rhianna Renae Nivens was the life of a recent party she hosted at her home. Not only did Rhianna serve adult beverages and marijuana to her guests, she then slipped into a slinky negligee and performed lap dances for some of them. Unfortunately for Rhianna, those guests were minors and she was arrested on numerous charges. Rhianna’s lawyer has a tough task ahead of them as one of the guests recorded some of the lap dancing, which prosecutors now have in their possession.

 

Joshua Scott called Memphis police last month and told officers that a man hit him in the face and stole his car. Police followed up with Scott on Tuesday, but noticed inconsistencies in his story. When called out on it, Scott admitted he hadn’t been carjacked, but had given his car to a friend in exchange for meth. Scott avoided drug charges, but was arrested for false reporting.

Dumbasses for Thursday, April 4th

Charles Eugene Ferris was on his back deck in Rogers, Arkansas drinking with neighbor Christopher Hicks on Sunday while wearing a bulletproof vest. Ferris then came up with the alcohol-inspired idea to have Hicks shoot him. The bullet left Ferris with a red mark on his chest and he then took the vest off and Hicks put it on. However, Ferris was still angry about how much it hurt to get shot, so he unloaded the clip into Hicks’ back, which caused multiple bruises. Amazingly, both men survived the shootings to face charges of aggravated assault.

 

Australia’s Ryan Sharp and his unnamed girlfriend allegedly stalked and harassed a couple for six weeks in what police called “a campaign of grievance-fueled violence.” That campaign culminated with Sharp allegedly detonating a bomb under the couple’s vehicle. Police say the bomb could’ve injured or killed someone if they were inside the vehicle and Sharp and his girlfriend were arrested. Police also said that Sharp and his girlfriend’s attacks on the couple began after they allegedly honked their horn at the girlfriend when she swerved close to their vehicle while at a McDonald’s drive-thru.

 

Beau Alan Rogel went for a leisurely drive outside Jackson, Mississippi in his 2017 Ford Mustang Shelby GT350 on Sunday. Unfortunately, Beau’s idea of a leisurely drive is cruising along at 185 mph. Beau shared his drive on YouTube Live as he calls out speeds and the video ended with Beau being pulled over by police. Since officers didn’t personally witness his vehicular antics, they couldn’t even issue Beau a ticket. However, after reviewing the video and other social media posts that showed Beau in possession of weapons, which he wasn’t allowed to have as a felon, officers then had enough evidence to arrest him. (See speeding clip here)

 

Two men in the city of Artyomovsky, Russia recently found out why they post those ‘No Smoking’ signs at gas pumps. While filling their tank, the apparently drunken men decided to take a smoke break. As anyone except these guys might expect, the gas nozzle caught on fire and it quickly spread to the pumps. While one man ran from the scene, another managed to somehow get in the car and drive it away with no damage.

 

A man in Liuzhou, China, identified only as Tang, was recently pulled over by police while riding his motorcycle. When the officer asked for Tang’s license, he handed the cop a slip of paper with his handwritten information handwritten next to a photo of himself. When the officers asked Tang if he was joking, he was at least honest when he explained that he was too lazy to study for a driver’s license and didn’t want to spend money on driving classes. Tang’s motorcycle was seized and he was ordered to report to the traffic department. Tang said, “I didn’t expect the traffic police to be so serious.”

 

Tationna Thompson got into an argument with another woman in the checkout line of a Schnucks supermarket in St. Louis. The argument carried over into the parking lot where Tationna allegedly pointed a gun at the other woman. The woman drove away, but the beef continued down the road when Tationna leaned out of her SUV and fired two shots at the woman’s vehicle, but missed. Tationna was later arrested and police said the argument began when the other woman made a comment to Tationna about the number of items in her shopping cart.

 

Dumbasses for Wednesday, April 3rd

Marietta, Georgia police were called to a local IHOP early Sunday morning after a man made threats, including gesturing like he had a gun. As officers talked to witnesses, suspect Renardo Lewis and his wife became agitated. The situation escalated from there and Renardo struggled with officers, who punched him in the face and head as they tried to handcuff him. Renardo was taken to the hospital for evaluation before being booked on several charges and if you’re wondering what started everything, Renardo’s wife said they’d demanded names and phone numbers from restaurant employees after she got upset because they were out of bacon. (See here-language)

 

North Huntingdon, Pennsylvania police responded to a report of a stove falling from the back of a pickup on Route 30 earlier this week. Gary Cawley tried to get the stove back into his truck, but was unsuccessful and ended up leaving the scene. Police soon caught up with Cawley and he explained that he’d been retrieving the stove and a microwave for a man he works for. That excuse might’ve worked for Cawley had his pickup not matched the description of a truck believed to be connected to a series of thefts in the area. Police determined the appliances had been stolen from an unfinished home and Cawley was arrested.

 

One unnamed employee at a Shell gas station in San Jose, California could stand to learn a lot about customer relations. The female employee in question went on a tirade when customer Grecya Moran began speaking Spanish with one of the other cashiers. As usual, the employee told Moran to speak English because we’re in America, which she apparently believes bans other languages from being spoken. The employee also told Moran that she’s not a U.S. citizen. No word on how the employee knew that, but when Moran said she was born here, the employee demanded she prove it. The employee was stupid enough to do all this while Moran filmed her and later posted the clip to Facebook where it was viewed over 168,000 times. One of the viewers was apparently the employee’s now former boss, who fired her. (See here-careful of language)

 

Joshua Heigley was pulled over by police in Butler County, Pennsylvania after he was clocked doing over 100 mph in a 55 zone. However, that would soon be the lesser of the charges he’s now facing. Upon being pulled over, the state trooper noticed Heigley had two small children in the back seat. That was about the same time the trooper also noticed an open container of alcohol in the vehicle. This was Heigley’s fourth DUI charge in the past seven months and at last report he was drying out in jail.

 

New York State troopers spotted Middle Grove’s Matthew A. Todd speeding on Saturday night. However, instead of pulling over, Todd ran a red light and continued driving at a high rate of speed until he led officers directly to his home and pulled into the driveway. However, the chase didn’t end there as Todd exited his vehicle and ran. A K-9 officer led police to a friend’s residence, where Todd showed up wet, covered in mud and wearing only one shoe. Todd was charged with numerous infractions including, yes, DUI.

 

Wisconsin’s Trevyn J. Sanders found out that, in the end, crime doesn’t pay. The drunken Sanders was wanted on charges of bail jumping and had an outstanding city of La Crosse municipal warrant when he tried to flee from authorities. In his attempt to elude capture on Sunday, Sanders jumped off an overpass and was impaled by a stick in his buttocks. Sanders also had a no-contact bond condition with his girlfriend, who insisted on going to the hospital with him.