Extra Dumbasses!

An unnamed 60-something Woodruff, South Carolina man was recently invited to join the ultra-secret Illuminati. While you may wonder why a seemingly ordinary man would be asked to join a society that’s rumored to include the likes of Queen Elizabeth II and Beyonce, this person didn’t and wired a down payment of $250 to join. The man later sent another $2,000 before canceling his credit card payment and calling police after he apparently realized he might be a fraud victim.

 

A performance of “Fiddler on the Roof” at Baltimore’s Hippodrome Theatre was interrupted on Wednesday night. About 10 minutes into the first intermission of the play about a Jewish family facing persecution in Tsarist Russia, a man began yelling “Heil Hitler!” Following last month’s Pittsburgh synagogue shooting, many in the theater feared gunshots were about to ring out and left in a panic, while others were visibly shaken. Security escorted the man out, but police made no arrest and no report was written. (See here)

 

An unnamed Pittsburgh woman recently arranged to meet her baby daddy so that he could provide her with money to support their children. Unfortunately, instead of her baby daddy, she was greeted by another woman who began throwing cans of SpaghettiOs at her car and attempted to stab her with a knife. The woman managed to get away and was somehow able to swipe the attacker’s purse in the melee. Police said the victim’s vehicle had a broken back window, multiple dents and was smeared with red sauce and pieces of pasta, but paperwork inside the purse helped them identify the attacker as Eileen Gettleman, who was arrested.

 

A 73-year-old Florida woman, identified as Barbara Lee Ray, recently went to her doctor over concerns of possible side effects of drugs she was taking. Barbara asked that the doctor test the drugs, which turned out to be methamphetamine. Barbara was taken to Bartow Regional Medical Center and then booked into Polk County Jail on drug charges.

 

One Australian motorist was recently caught leaning on his horn. However, he wasn’t honking his car horn, but playing a trumpet while driving nearly 70 mph on the M1 highway in Queensland’s Gold Coast. The Royal Automobile Club of Queensland blasted the musician’s actions as irresponsible, but didn’t note whether he was taking requests. (See here)

 

The South China Morning Post claims an unidentified man from China recently got drunk before shopping online. The man purchased a live pig, a live peacock and a giant salamander. He posted; “In the early hours of yesterday morning, when I was drunk, I clicked on Taobao and started shopping … All along I thought I had only bought two sets of clothes. I suddenly remembered to look up the delivery date of my clothes, and realised I had also bought a pig and a peacock.”

 

The Chicago Tribune claims a Vernon Hills, Illinois women was recently cited for housing 58 cats. Neighbors complained after the woman’s home began to smell. Building inspectors say the cats are in good health. Javorka Gasic was issued citations for animal cruelty and harboring more than three cats without a permit.

 

The Daily Mail claims an unidentified man in China recently survived getting run over by a car after he fell asleep in the middle of the road. The man was walking home from a night of drinking when he climbed over a traffic barrier and passed out. He was struck by the vehicle and dragged across a busy intersection after dozing off for three minutes. The man survived with minor scratches.

Rolling in toilet paper: Sheriff buys 24K extra rolls of TP

AP NEWS

GUNTERSVILLE, Ala. (AP) — Officials in an Alabama county have a financial mess to wipe up after the sheriff’s department mistakenly ordered 24,000 extra rolls of toilet paper.

WAFF-TV reports the Marshall County Sheriff’s Office mistakenly spent $22,000 on toilet paper and another $9,000 for 450 cases of trash bags. That’s a big problem, because its entire budget for janitorial supplies for next year is only $15,000.

County commissioners have negotiated a bill of more than $30,000 down by about half, but there’s another problem: Storing an extra two years’ worth of toilet paper.

While the Sheriff’s Department isn’t commenting, Commission Chairman James Hutcheson says workers realized the mistake when a notice came in from the vendor.

The newly elected sheriff, Phil Sims, says he will work with commissioners to address the problem.

https://www.apnews.com/38557a14bcd94a58967a2a3c4f8630ee

Pancake stop snags inmate who fled jail with help from mom

 

NEWNAN, Ga. (AP) — An inmate fled a Georgia jail with the help of his mom and then went out for pancakes.

News outlets report 27-year-old Joshua Gullatt and 54-year-old Kathy Lynn Pence were arrested Tuesday at an IHOP restaurant where they met with his children.

Gullatt had slipped out a side door of the Heard County jail hours earlier. Investigators then listened to a phone call Gullatt made to Pence about the escape.

Sheriff’s Office Sgt. Dan Boswell says it just so happened that during that same phone call, Pence was pulled over for running a stop sign, so authorities identified her car, and tracked her phone to the Newnan IHOP.

Gullatt had been slated for work release. Now he’s charged with felony escape and his mother is charged with aiding and abetting.

https://apnews.com/3926b1ec51cf45bbbaf76c51ea89f51a

Warrant: Man accused of bomb threat told NOPD he was referring to ‘bowel movement’

 

By Emily Lane, NOLA.com | The Times-Picayune

A man accused of threatening to blow up Willie’s Chicken Shack Tuesday night (Nov. 13) claimed to police when confronted about the allegation that his words were merely a reference to a bowel movement, the man’s warrant states.

Arthur Posey, 30, was booked on charges in connection to a bomb threat after his story was not corroborated with the restaurant’s employees, New Orleans police wrote in the warrant. Shortly after police were made aware of the bomb threat at the Canal Street restaurant, an officer confronted Posey inside a business in the next block, where the officer saw Posey enter.

Posey claimed to the officer he told a male employee he was going to “’blow the bathroom up,’ in reference to a bowel movement,” the warrant states. However, police say a Willie’s Chicken Shack employee told officers “Mr. Posey never told him anything about a bathroom.”

Posey faces two counts of communicating of false information of planned arson. Orleans Parish Magistrate Judge Harry Cantrell on Wednesday appointed the Orleans Public Defender’s Office to represent Posey. He scheduled a mental competency hearing for Nov. 29 in the case.

Man accused in Sunday’s hotel bomb threat choked woman as she evacuated: State Police

According to the warrant, the restaurant’s manager said that a man later identified as Posey went into the restaurant and approached the food preparation area, then asked her what time the restaurant closed. She told the man she did not know when the restaurant closed, the manager told police. The manager stated the man, who wore a green hat, blue jacket and carried a white bag, then replied, “Y’all about to close right now because I’m going to get a bomb and blow this place up.”

The bomb threat was reported shortly after 7 p.m. Tuesday, the warrant states.

The manager told police she “took the threat very serious” and notified her general manager, who instructed her to call police, states the warrant, sworn by Officer Trevor Abney. Abney wrote that the manager was “slightly shaking” as she spoke to the officer.

Another Willie’s Chicken Shack employee told police she heard Posey, “say he was going to get a bomb and put it under the middle table of the restaurant closest to the front door,” the warrant also states.

At the time of his arrest, Posey was wearing a green hat, blue jacket, blue pants and was carrying a white plastic bag, police said.

https://www.nola.com/crime/2018/11/warrant-man-accused-of-bomb-threat-told-nopd-he-was-referring-to-bowel-movement.html

Wife Reads Out Husband’s Affair Texts Instead Of Vows At Wedding

By : Lucy Connolly, Unilad UK

Wedding days are a nerve-racking time for most involved, but usually it’s the good kind of nerves. You know the type: butterflies in your stomach, your heart racing in anticipation for the next step in your life.

One bride-to-be experienced a completely different type of nerves though when she stood at the alter and revealed the sordid details of her husband-to-be’s affair to her wedding congregation.

You see, the night before her wedding she revealed a number of texts from a number she didn’t recognise, exposing her fiancé’s double life and turning her world upside down.

The woman, Casey*, told all in a post on Whimn, revealing how she came to terms with her alleged betrayal and got revenge in the most dramatic way.

The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be had been enjoying drinks with her bridesmaids when her phone buzzed. She walked over to it, expecting to see a message of congratulations in anticipation for the big day.

What she didn’t expect was a number of texts from an unknown number, showing screenshots between her fiancé, Alex*, and another woman. She claims the screenshots were accompanied by a message, reading ‘I wouldn’t marry him. Will you?’

As proof, the woman sent pictures of her with Alex, along with texts between the two which detailed their affair – dating from months to just days before.

The texts ranged from:

This weekend. You and I. It is on, hot stuff. Bring your A game.

To:

Your body is f*cking incredible. And sh*t do you know how to use it. I wish my GF had half the skills you do.

Casey claims she knew immediately that this was real and she quickly began to piece things together, believing she was a fool for not realising sooner.

Her friends demanded she call off the wedding but she couldn’t think straight, so she decided to sleep on it instead. When she woke, she claims she knew exactly what to do.

She would go ahead with the wedding, but instead of reading her vows she would ‘out’ Alex as a cheater, reading the texts to their family and friends.

She walked down the aisle, turned to the crowd as she reached the alter and said:

There will be no wedding today. It seems Alex is not who I thought he was.

As soon as the words left her mouth, she said a ripple of shock went through the church before Alex attempted to grab her hands. She resisted, taking out her phone and reading the messages out loud.

As she did, she claims the colour drained from the groom’s face before he walked out of the church, his best man following him.

She then turned back to the crowd and said:

I love all of you and as horrible as this is I’m glad you all are here. There will not be a wedding reception today, but instead, there will be a celebration of honesty, finding true love and following your heart even when it hurts.

Despite her allegedly finding out the man of her dreams was nothing of the sort, the newly-single bride said there was ‘one hell of a party.’

So who’s the real winner?

*Names were changed.

He needed 3 credit cards to pay his fast food bill and police want to arrest him

by WGNO Web Desk

NEW ORLEANS — The New Orleans Police Department is looking for a man who was driving a white Audi but needed 3 credit cards to pay his drive-thru tab at McDonald’s. The case is the latest one to roll on the Wheel of Justice.

According to police, all three credit cards were stolen from a car in the 1400 block of Calhoun Street. Oh, and the Audi was also stolen from another location and later found abandoned.

Police released surveillance video of the fast food visit. They also released video of another car burglary that also happened on Calhoun, but in the 500 block, and with a white Audi making the scene.

The video from the 500 block shows the Audi pull up to a parked car and at least two people get out of it. Police say the people in the Audi burglarized the parked car then left the scene. But a second surveillance clip shows a white Ford pickup make a second sweep down the block a couple of hours later. Police say that the same people were in the Ford and they also burglarized a car.

So far, even though the burglaries happened days apart on the same street, and with a white Audi involved in both, the NOPD isn’t saying the cases are connected just yet.

He needed 3 credit cards to pay his fast food bill and police want to arrest him

Extra Dumbasses!

A Valley, Alabama convenience store was held up on Sunday by a man armed with hot sauce. When the clerk opened the register to give the man change for his purchase, he splashed the hot sauce in her face, grabbed the cash and ran. Police arrived to find the clerk in pain with red liquid on her face and in her eyes and later arrested Michael Brisky in connection with the robbery. You might say Brisky was caught red-handed.

 

Travelers may want to note that Air India apparently serves fine wine. An unnamed woman on an Air India flight from Mumbai to London on Saturday was enjoying copious amounts of their wine before going to the lavatory for a smoke. Somehow managing not to set off the smoke alarm, she returned to her seat for more wine. Eventually, flight attendants were forced to cut her off and the woman went on an expletive-ridden rant, claiming to be an international criminal lawyer and threatening the staff with legal action. The woman then berated the crew and fellow passengers before the rant turned physical, leaving one flight attendant with a bruised arm. The woman added that she wouldn’t be arrested when they landed. However the so-called international lawyer’s knowledge of the law was proven to be questionable as she was promptly arrested upon arrival.

 

What made Milwaukee famous got an unnamed woman arrested on DUI charges early Tuesday morning. During the arrest, a 10-month-old baby was taken out of the vehicle and sent to where she could be cared for. Unfortunately, mom failed to mention her 4-year-old daughter, who was still in the van. Even more unfortunate was the fact that the police, the tow truck driver and those at the impound yard all failed to notice the girl until about eight hours later. The girl was finally found very upset and crying and was checked for exposure after the overnight temperature had dropped to 18 degrees.

 

Like good parents, Randall Allen Crockett and Brittany Eggert placed their young son in a child car seat. Unlike good parents, Randall and Brittany left their son in his car seat on the side of a road in their Florida mobile home park on Sunday. Police arrived to find the boy sweaty, but in otherwise good health, while the parents had no explanation for why they left their son outside for 45 minutes. Randall and Brittany were placed in the car seat of a police cruiser as they were taken to jail on charges of felony neglect.

 

The Paris, France police recently cited a 33 year-old man for taking selfies with a 2 month-old lion cub while driving a green Lamborghini. Cops spotted the man on the highway before stopping him. He works for a company that rents exotic luxury cars. The Lamborghini was returned to the rental company while the cub was taken to an animal rescue.

 

NBC claims Milton, West Virginia residents recently called the police about several rabid raccoons. The raccoons were staggering around and acting weird before residents called for help. Police caught the raccoons and determined that they were drunk on crabapples. The beasts were allowed to sober up before being released into the wild

 

The Daily Mirror claims doctors in India recently removed 3.3 pounds of foreign objects from a woman’s stomach. Nails, nuts, bolts, safety pins and jewelry were all removed after the woman went to the hospital complaining of stomach pain. X-rays revealed how much metal she had eaten. The woman suffers from a rare disorder that causes her to eat sharp metallic objects. She is expected to make a full recovery

Man accused of raping a cow claims it is the reincarnation of his dead wife

 

Pleasanton, TX | A man of Indian origin recently arrested for sexually molesting a cow on a Texan ranch claims the animal is, in fact, the reincarnation of his deceased wife.

Rajiv Chowdhury, 34, was intercepted this week by Atascosa County police after ranch owner Ted Bukowski called police after he found the half-naked man sexually assaulting one of his cows.

Bukowski first believed his cattle were being harassed by coyotes until he discovered it was, in fact, a man that was the source of all the disturbance.

“He asked me not to shoot. He told me he wouldn’t do it again if I didn’t call the police” Bukowski, 67, told reporters.

“He said the cow was the reincarnation of his wife, and when I asked him what the hell he was talking about, he said the cow had the same eyes, smell, and taste than his deceased wife,” he recalled, visibly amused.

“I don’t know what those Hindus preach at church, but that sure sounds to me like the church of the Devil,” he added, laughing.

A cultural and religious context

Professor of Religious studies at the University of Houston, Janet Fitzgerald, believes Rajiv Chowdhury’s sexual assault upon the cow must be understood in the specific cultural and religious context of Hinduism.

“The man lost his wife last year and possibly was honest when he said he believed the animal was the reincarnation of his dead wife,” she told local reporters.

“In Hinduism, sex with animals is not an uncommon theme and many of their deities share half-human, half-animal features,” she explained.

“Certain religions such as Islam also allow sexual intercourse with animals under certain particular conditions. Every situation must be analyzed in its proper cultural and religious context,” she adds.

Bestiality is currently illegal in the state of Texas since 2017 and offenders face a maximum penalty of a one year in prison and/or a fine of not more than $4,000, according to legal experts.

Man Tries to Cure Constipation By Putting a Live, 20-Inch Eel Up His Anus

 

He told doctors initially that it just swam in there by itself
By Reegan von Wildenradt

A Chinese man had to undergo emergency surgery to remove a live eel from his intestines, and told doctors that he had put the eel up his anus in order to cure constipation. (Wondering why you can’t poop? Here’s the weird reason.) According to an article published by The Sun, the man had been experiencing constipation and was told by his friends to try this “folk remedy” as a cure. Heads up, there is zero scientific evidence to back up that an eel will do anything for your digestive system except wreak total havoc, which this one did.

The article detailed how the 49-year-old man from the Baiyun District in Guangzhou, capital of South China’s Guangdong Province, came to the hospital experiencing abdominal pain, initially omitting the fact that there was an eel in his body. He was immediately rushed into emergency surgery, and doctors were shocked to find a 20-inch Asian swamp eel among his intestines.

Doctors asked him after surgery how it got there. The article stated that he at first told doctors that it had “swam up by itself.” He later admitted to willingly putting the eel up his anus. Why though? Because the guy had been having some constipation issues and his friends told him about an old folk remedy that said an eel could clear up that blockage. (By the way, if you’re actually having constipation problems, you could be lacking this mineral.)

There are a few things to be taken away from this. One, if your friends tell you to shove an eel up your butt, think about how quality those “friends” actually are. Two, if your friends tell you to shove a live eel up your butt and you actually do it, give yourself a slap in the face. And three, if you really are having trouble going, try adding some of these foods to your diet instead. Or, y’know, go to the doctor.

https://www.menshealth.com/health/a19545869/live-eel-found-in-stomach-of-man-with-constipation/

Football fan charged with DWI blames team’s performance

 

WAYNE, N.J. (AP) — Authorities say a pro football fan charged with drunken driving after a crash told police he drank too much because his favorite team isn’t any good.

Wayne police say 57-year-old Christopher Greyshock, of West Milford, was charged after he rear-ended another vehicle about 5:15 p.m. Sunday. The crash came about an hour after his team, the New York Jets, lost 41-10 to the Buffalo Bills.

Authorities say Greyshock told responding officers: “I drank too much because the Jets suck.”

Police say Greyshock had an open bottle of whiskey and suspected marijuana in his car. Besides the DWI count, he was also charged with assault by auto.

A telephone number for Greyshock could not be located Wednesday. It wasn’t known if he’s retained an attorney.

https://apnews.com/16bb1d4e49614f2fb6fcc10271640a5e