Blind Date Horror Stories

by FrancescaARea

Buzzfeed asked its readers for blind date horror stories. Here’s a few of the results:

1. The job interview:

“We decided to go out for drinks and I offered to drive. When we got to the bar he asked our waitress for a job application and to speak to the manager. The waitress said they weren’t hiring, but he demanded he speak with a manager anyway. After he submitted his application, I ordered a beer and he ordered a water. We chatted for about 45 minutes before he abruptly ended the date. I guess he really just needed a ride to submit a job application.”

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Universal Pictures

2. The date that ended up at Denny’s:

“I took a bus about an hour away to meet this girl for dinner. We went to a nice restaurant — I had a couple of drinks while she had an entire bottle of wine and some champagne. The date was not going well so I headed back to the bus station. I ended up missing the last bus out of town and, on top of that, my card kept getting declined. I had nowhere to stay so I walked three miles to a Denny’s. After tearfully explaining my night to the manager, he let me sleep in a booth and gave me free breakfast in the morning.

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3. The date with a KISS-enthusiast:

“I was set up by a friend with a guy who seemed really nice at first. I soon realized that he was absolutely obsessed with the band KISS. He spoke at length about wanting to be buried in a KISS coffin. I was thrilled when the date was over, right up until the moment he asked if I wanted to go back to his place and test out his KISS condoms. No. No. No. I still shudder every time I hear a KISS song.”

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Frederick M. Brown / Via Getty Images

4. The date with a drug-dealing hustler:

“I was out to dinner with this guy when he suddenly went outside for a smoke break. Whatever, do you — but I looked out the window to see him talking to someone else. It looked a bit odd and ~sketchy~, so when he came back in I asked him who that was. He told me he sells meth as a side job.

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5. The date with a big spender:

“I was set up on a blind date and told to dress nice for dinner. We ended up at Famous Dave’s. He told me I had to choose between the kids menu chicken tenders or the half-rack of ribs because he had a coupon.

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6. The butter knife, five-dick double whammy:

“Things were pretty normal during the first half of the night, but then things got weird. He sat next to me in the restaurant booth and proceeded to slide a butter knife up and down my thigh. He then went on to ask what my response would be if he told me he had five dicks. Yeah, never saw that guy again.”

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NBC

7. The generous date:

“I was at a restaurant with a guy who seemed really quiet and polite. All of a sudden, he blurted out, ‘I’ve decided how I’m going to propose to you!’ Um what? ‘On an Alaskan cruise under the Aurora Borealis lights with a huge diamond ring so you’ll give it up to me every single night!‘ Absolutely speechless and just flabbergasted, I blurted out the most asinine thing I could think of, ‘I don’t like big diamonds…'”

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8. The awkward coworker date:

“An older woman I used to work with decided to set me up with her son. He asked if I’d like to come over for dinner. This is not normally something I would agree to, but I did since I knew his mom. Turned out he still lived at home with her. While I was planning my exit strategy, she got up and asked, ‘Would you two like some privacy for coitus?’ I thanked them for a lovely meal and made up a lie about how I had to leave. I never felt comfortable around her at work again.”

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CBS

9. The food watcher:

“I was 24 when I agreed to go on a date with a woman about 20 years older than me. She arrived at the restaurant and said she wasn’t hungry and that she just wanted to watch me eat. Weird, but OK. When the waiter asked if we wanted dessert, I said no — but she insisted I did. She just sat there, watching me eat the entire dessert. I got the check as fast as I could. As I hurried out the door, she yelled, ‘I thought we had a real connection!'”

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10. The Croc-enthusiast date:

“My friend’s boyfriend set me up on a blind date. My date showed up in basketball shorts and Crocs. I couldn’t believe it, but I decided to go ahead and give him a shot. His voice was monotone and all he wanted to talk about was his penis and how he owned like 100 pairs of Crocs. After the date, my friend’s boyfriend said the guy didn’t like me because I talked too much. Some nerve.”

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Warner Bros. Pictures

11. The awkward movie experience:

“I was in high school and went on a double blind date with my best friend and two boys from school. My friend and her date hit it off — my date and I, not so much. We decided to go to a movie after and I ended up buying us all tickets to see Paul Blart: Mall Cop. At the end of the movie, my date just got up and walked away without even saying goodbye. My failure of a date later got a job at the movie theater and would have to awkwardly rip my movie tickets from time to time.

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12. The PowerPoint presentation:

“My date picked me up and drove us to a restaurant. When we got there he grabbed his backpack, which I thought was strange. He then specifically requested a table next to an outlet. I soon found out what he needed his backpack and outlet for. I kid you not, he pulled out his laptop to show me a PowerPoint presentation on a pyramid scheme he wanted to recruit me for. He spent the entire date trying to recruit me.”

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13. The date with a trench-coat-wearing shrimp lover:

“One time I went on a blind date with a guy who loved shrimp. I’m not talking about a normal, acceptable level of shrimp love. I didn’t know if it was nerves or not, but he spent the majority of the date talking about shrimp. Oh, he also only wore trench coats. And he also cosplayed as Madeline…from the children’s book…”

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FOX

14. The awkward mom date:

“I went on a date with a guy who would call his mom every time he found out we had something in common. Every. Single. Time. It was weird. Was he trying to set me up with his mom or himself?”

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15. The date with a jewel thief:

“I went on a blind date with a guy who described himself as ‘rich and talented.’ Weird, because he took me to a Taco Bell. We went through the drive-thru and then we headed to his place. He kept gawking over my ruby bracelet and asked me to take it off. I ended the date ASAP. The best part of the whole situation was finding out he was actually a jewel thief who did some jail time. He ended up going back to jail not long after for robbing a famous jewelry store.”

—Audrey Springsteen, Facebook

16. Finally, the pee fetish date:

“I agreed to meet up with a guy I knew through mutual friends. We decided to drive around for about an hour, just talking and getting to know one another. It was going well so we started making out. He then whispered to me, ‘Would you pee in my mouth…with a funnel?’ Luckily my cousin texted me and I said I had to leave. As he got out of the car he asked me how much I usually pee so he could go buy me a funnel at the store. I blocked him as soon as he got out of my car.”

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