Dumbasses for Monday, March 11

St. Paul, Minnesota police were called to a Domino’s Pizza on Thursday evening after a customer pointed a handgun at the staff. By the time officers arrived, Holly Jo Robinson and her daughter, Lakia, had left, but employees informed police that the reason for the armed intrusion was because they were upset that their wings hadn’t been delivered with their pizza. It was easy for police to find the Robinsons’ home, since Domino’s had their address, and they were taken to jail in 30 minutes or less.


An unnamed 30-year-old Jackson, Michigan man and his girlfriend were on their way to breakfast with friends, but ended up going to the hospital instead. It seems that when the man got out of the car and went to holster his handgun, it went off, with the bullet striking him in his left thigh. Somewhat ironically, the shooting took place in the parking lot of I-Hop.


Gardina McCullough has been charged with stealing an SUV from Ace Rent-a-Car in Jacksonville, Florida. Gardina made life difficult for her defense attorney when she was captured at a nearby motel and told a TV reporter, “I tried to rent it, but y’all didn’t want to rent me a car. Y’all talking about how y’all didn’t have any cars to rent so I stole y’alls (expletive).” Gardina added that, “Demons told me to do it…I didn’t take it, demons took it.”


A 6-year-old unvaccinated boy from Oregon cut his forehead while playing outside on a farm. The boy’s parents cleaned and stitched his cut at home, but about a week later, he began having spasms and his jaw began to clench tight. After his neck and back began to arch, his parents finally sought medical help. Doctors diagnosed the boy with tetanus and after nearly eight weeks of hospital care, followed by rehab at a cost of over $800,000, the boy was able to resume normal activities. However, despite strong recommendations by doctors, the boy’s parents declined a second dose of tetanus-fighting medication and any other recommended immunizations.


Last Monday morning, a Pennsylvania state trooper was waved down in East Deer Township regarding a possible medical emergency. The trooper found two men outside a minivan parked on the shoulder of the road. The driver told the trooper he was behind the wheel when passenger Clayton Lucas began choking him. The trooper noticed the driver’s neck was red and his eyes were bloodshot and, after some resistance, Lucas was arrested. The driver went on to explain that Lucas began choking him to make him stop singing Christmas carols.


Adam Wilkerson was visiting the Wildlife World Zoo in Litchfield Park, Arizona over the weekend when he heard cries for help and saw the arm of an unnamed 30-year-old woman stuck in the claws of a jaguar. Another visitor was able to distract the jaguar and the woman was taken to the hospital in stable condition with non-life threatening injuries. The woman wouldn’t have been injured had she not crossed the barrier to get inside the jaguar enclosure in order to take a selfie with the cat.


Zephyrhills, Florida’s Julitza Emily Gonzalez and her boyfriend are expecting a baby sometime after she gets out of jail. Julitza was arrested on charges of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon after she stabbed her boyfriend. If you’re wondering why Julitza would do such a thing, it was because he looked at a photo of a woman that his roommate showed him on his phone.


Phoenix’s Christina Brenner rented a storage pod from 1-800-PACK-RAT in October 2017. When they returned the unit to her last November, Christina found that all of her belongings had been ruined. 1-800-PACK-RAT has since informed Christina that they won’t reimburse her because the damage wasn’t from a covered loss. If you’re wondering what caused the damage inside the 1-800-PACK-RAT pod…it was rats.


Last August, Texas’ Chrystal Nichole Walraven decided to take a trip to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina because she needed to get away from everything that was happening at home and to check out a job opportunity. Chrystal didn’t get the job, but she could get up to 20 years in jail. That’s because everything that was happening at home involved her five kids, ages 15 months to 12 years, who she left behind during her getaway. The kids’ elementary school principal got wind of the situation and alerted authorities and Chrystal was formally charged last month.


Spartanburg, South Carolina police are looking for a man that went to a Taco Bell restaurant and ordered a Mexican pizza at the drive-thru window. While that’s not normally a crime, this particular customer was dissatisfied by the skimpy portion of meat on the pizza and walked into the kitchen area and began making his own food. A Taco Bell worker noted that the suspect broke health and safety rules by not wearing protective gloves while preparing his order and police say he faces possible misdemeanor larceny and trespass charges if caught.


Last Wednesday night in Florida, a Walton County Sheriff’s Deputy pulled over a car pulling a U-Haul trailer for speeding. When the deputy approached the car, he noticed a strong smell of marijuana and a K9 officer confirmed the presence of drugs. A search of the vehicle turned up a cornucopia of drugs and paraphernalia and deputies arrested James Sanders and passenger Stacey Adkinson, who was well acquainted with officers as she’d been arrested on drug charges 12 hours earlier.


An unnamed man in his 20s wanted to impress his date by taking her to California’s Carmel Beach in the early morning hours on Saturday. It’s not known how impressed the lady was when he drove onto the beach and promptly got his car stuck in the sand. The man ended up trapped on the beach for about seven hours until his car could be pulled out. Carmel-by-the-Sea police later posted a photo of the man’s stuck car on Facebook and noted he was cited for driving on the beach. (See here)