Dumbasses for Tuesday, February 5th

You may recall the Super Bowl commercial for Audi where a man’s co-worker performs the Heimlich maneuver on him after he dreams about his grandfather giving him one of their new electric cars called the E-Tron. If you speak French, you may have gotten an unintended chuckle from Audi. If you don’t speak French, E-tron sounds a lot like their word ‘étron,’ which means “excrement” or “turd.” Yes, Audi is literally calling its new vehicle a POS. (See spot here)


Utah’s Jeffrey Giles got into an argument with a lady friend on Friday and kicked her out of his car. Before leaving her stranded, Giles informed the woman that he was going off to fight with her family. Apparently that fight never took place as Giles was arrested after he crashed his car into security gates at a nearby Facebook facility. Police say Giles was combative when they arrested him and if you’re curious as to why he might behave in such a manner, officers say he had an odor of alcohol emanating from him. Cops also said his lady friend later told them that he’d been drinking Jagermeister.


An unnamed man went into Portland, Oregon’s All That Glitters pawn shop at closing time Sunday night. After admiring the most expensive ring in the store, the man grabbed it, assaulted an employee that tried to stop the theft, and fled. Apparently not thinking his master plan all the way through, our friend showed up at another branch of All That Glitters just 24 hours later and attempted to pawn the ring. When the general manager told the man that the ring looked like the one stolen from their other store, an argument ensued. Our friend tried unsuccessfully to grab the ring back, but fled empty handed.


The next family gathering could be a tad awkward for Mumbai, India’s Raphael Samuel. It seems that Raphael is planning to sue his parents for bringing him into this world without his consent. Raphael believes that no human has the right to ‘force life’ on another person and that people shouldn’t have children just for the sake of their pleasure. Raphael says, “I love my parents, and we have a great relationship, but they had me for their joy and their pleasure. My life has been amazing, but I don’t see why I should put another life through the rigamarole of school and finding a career, especially when they didn’t ask to exist.” Raphael asks, “Isn’t forcing a child into this world and forcing it to have a career, kidnapping and slavery?”


CBS claims the York, Pennsylvania police recently arrested a couple after their Super 8 Motel rendezvous went south. Dante Hedgepath and Carrie Sue Smith knew each other in high school and recently decided to get a motel room together. Dante left the room after Carrie started ‘acting crazy’ and said they were going to have kids and start a life together. He ran from the hotel as she chased him with no clothes on screaming for him to come back. Officers found Dante in a parking lot with Grey Goose and marijuana. He was quickly arrested before Carrie was charged with indecent exposure and disorderly conduct.


Metro UK claims Tabitha Andrade, of Melbourne, Australia, loves KFC chicken so she recently got KFC tattooed on the inside of her bottom lip. The 20 year-old tells the newspaper; ”KFC is my favorite fast food. I go there at least once a week, if not more. ‘It does mean a lot to me, so it seemed fitting to get this tattoo. ‘I really love chicken. All my friends call me the chicken connoisseur. ‘I even named my dog ‘nugget’, because I’m obsessed with chicken nuggets.’ I have absolutely no regrets. It’s my favourite tattoo. ‘I got the idea of doing it on the lip from Kendall Jenner. It seems to be popular these days, so I just thought why not. ‘I showed my parents when I came home, and they thought it was fake. But they’re okay with it now.”

Tabatha hopes KFC will give her free food.


Fox News claims Larry Teague recently broke into a Tulsa, Oklahoma courthouse before calling 911 on himself. He told cops he was being chased. When deputies arrived, Larry became aggressive and was tased before being arrested.