Extra Dumbasses

American Airlines may want to cancel the refund they offered passenger Olimpia Warsaw. The woman made news this week when her family said she was stranded in her wheelchair overnight at Chicago’s O’Hare airport. Warsaw has Parkinson’s disease and after her flight was canceled she said a porter wheeled her to the front door and left her there because his shift was ending and there was no transportation for her. However, a check of surveillance video shows it was only 45 minutes before a relative arrived to pick her up and during that time Warsaw was twice seen using a walker to go outside and smoke cigarettes. Warsaw’s family has yet to comment.

 

Youngstown State University was on lockdown for nearly two hours on Monday because of reports of a man with a gun on campus. The situation ended after a man surrendered to campus police and student Chelsea Raymer said she and her friends were joking during the lockdown that they hoped their cars weren’t ticketed because they couldn’t get outside to feed their parking meters. Chelsea said they never thought they’d give out tickets during a lockdown, but she and her friends thought wrong as she found a parking ticket on her car. Chelsea said she plans to contest the $10 ticket.

 

An unnamed Fort Worth, Texas woman got into an argument with her 21-year-old son on Monday afternoon. As the argument intensified, the son responded by pulling out a samurai sword. However, mom took it up a notch and pulled out a gun and shot her son in the leg. The son was taken to the hospital with minor injuries, while police say mom probably won’t face charges, but will likely face a lonely Mother’s Day.

 

Firefighters in Roseburg, Oregon responded to a single-car crash early Sunday morning. The vehicle rammed into a building and while the cause of the crash is unknown, the driver may have just been following instructions as the building housed Pete’s Drive-In. (See here)

 

A classroom assistant at a preschool in Hawaii may be looking for a new job after serving beverages to the kids. After pouring out apple juice for the kids from a jug, a teacher smelled the drinks and immediately stopped students from drinking it. Upon further examination it turned out that the jug didn’t contain apple juice, but Pine Sol cleaner.

 

If you think you’ve had some bad Tinder dates, you may not want to compare notes with one woman identified only as Bridget Jones. Bridget’s date said he had a surprise planned for their first meeting and told her to wear a black dress. Bridget’s date didn’t tell her where they were going, but you can imagine her surprise when they arrived at a crematorium for his grandmother’s funeral. Bridget says she sat through the entire service and even held her date’s hand when he got upset, but refused to attend the wake with him.

 

When you’re out on parole on a weapons charge it’s always a good idea to keep a low profile and obey the law. Not clear on how to accomplish this was Richard Chase, who strolled naked through the parking lot of the Residences at Daniel Webster hotel in Merrimack, New Hampshire on Friday night. When police arrived, Chase attempted to punch an officer and was rewarded with a shot of Taser. Chase was eventually subdued and charged with indecent exposure, attempted assault and resisting arrest.

 

Monroe, Connecticut landscaper Robert Somley and his 48-year-old female associate were loading wood into a trailer at a client’s home when he decided to take a break. After about 20 minutes, the woman went looking for Somley and found him naked inside the home, watching porn on a laptop. When the woman asked what he was doing, Somley said he needed to relieve himself before continuing work. The woman returned to work, but soon went back inside, deciding that she, too, needed a break. This time she found Somley still naked and dribbling maple syrup on his body. Admitting to police that she was turned on, the woman demanded to join in and they added blueberry jelly for good measure. However, the sticky sweetness turned bitter when the woman found out he was videotaping them and refused to delete it. That’s when the woman called police, who seized Somley’s cellphone, found the video and arrested him for voyeurism.

 

Brazil’s Ernandes Machado attempted to catch an alligator that was walking down a street on Sunday afternoon. Instead, the gator caught Machado, clamping on his left hand. Villagers came to his rescue and managed to jab a wooden stick into the gator’s mouth and free Machado, who escaped with minor injuries. As for the gator, the villagers later took it to a pond.