Extra Dumbasses!

An unnamed 60-something Woodruff, South Carolina man was recently invited to join the ultra-secret Illuminati. While you may wonder why a seemingly ordinary man would be asked to join a society that’s rumored to include the likes of Queen Elizabeth II and Beyonce, this person didn’t and wired a down payment of $250 to join. The man later sent another $2,000 before canceling his credit card payment and calling police after he apparently realized he might be a fraud victim.


A performance of “Fiddler on the Roof” at Baltimore’s Hippodrome Theatre was interrupted on Wednesday night. About 10 minutes into the first intermission of the play about a Jewish family facing persecution in Tsarist Russia, a man began yelling “Heil Hitler!” Following last month’s Pittsburgh synagogue shooting, many in the theater feared gunshots were about to ring out and left in a panic, while others were visibly shaken. Security escorted the man out, but police made no arrest and no report was written. (See here)


An unnamed Pittsburgh woman recently arranged to meet her baby daddy so that he could provide her with money to support their children. Unfortunately, instead of her baby daddy, she was greeted by another woman who began throwing cans of SpaghettiOs at her car and attempted to stab her with a knife. The woman managed to get away and was somehow able to swipe the attacker’s purse in the melee. Police said the victim’s vehicle had a broken back window, multiple dents and was smeared with red sauce and pieces of pasta, but paperwork inside the purse helped them identify the attacker as Eileen Gettleman, who was arrested.


A 73-year-old Florida woman, identified as Barbara Lee Ray, recently went to her doctor over concerns of possible side effects of drugs she was taking. Barbara asked that the doctor test the drugs, which turned out to be methamphetamine. Barbara was taken to Bartow Regional Medical Center and then booked into Polk County Jail on drug charges.


One Australian motorist was recently caught leaning on his horn. However, he wasn’t honking his car horn, but playing a trumpet while driving nearly 70 mph on the M1 highway in Queensland’s Gold Coast. The Royal Automobile Club of Queensland blasted the musician’s actions as irresponsible, but didn’t note whether he was taking requests. (See here)


The South China Morning Post claims an unidentified man from China recently got drunk before shopping online. The man purchased a live pig, a live peacock and a giant salamander. He posted; “In the early hours of yesterday morning, when I was drunk, I clicked on Taobao and started shopping … All along I thought I had only bought two sets of clothes. I suddenly remembered to look up the delivery date of my clothes, and realised I had also bought a pig and a peacock.”


The Chicago Tribune claims a Vernon Hills, Illinois women was recently cited for housing 58 cats. Neighbors complained after the woman’s home began to smell. Building inspectors say the cats are in good health. Javorka Gasic was issued citations for animal cruelty and harboring more than three cats without a permit.


The Daily Mail claims an unidentified man in China recently survived getting run over by a car after he fell asleep in the middle of the road. The man was walking home from a night of drinking when he climbed over a traffic barrier and passed out. He was struck by the vehicle and dragged across a busy intersection after dozing off for three minutes. The man survived with minor scratches.